Raining Ice Pellets (and other less interesting news)

**Random updates, in no particular order and with no particular connection**

• No jog waddling this morning - it was raining ice pellets. I'll have to do weights or something this afternoon. I took the raining ice pellets to mean that I should probably sleep in and cuddle with the cats.

• I kind of missed Hypnobabies class last night. I did my relaxation CD (it's called "Special Place"), but I think Buttin kind of enjoyed the break. For Hypnobabies, we're supposed to come up with a special place that we can go to in our mind. The most relaxing, comfortable place in the world to me is my couch - isn't that boring? It makes for a rather unimaginative hypnobabies session - since I'm laying on my couch while thinking about my couch, but I guess that means I don't have to work very hard at visualizing my special place and can concentrate instead on my hypno-anesthesia (no laughing).

• My dear mother in law is coming into town this weekend and I hope she's OK sharing a bedroom with a room full of unorganized Lumpy stuff. I was thinking this morning that I really need to take an inventory of everything and then go shopping with my friend Jen for all the things that I still need.
  

• Today we're planning to run our Quick Books upgrade. This is a task for Buttin. I'm quite certain, I would turn to Psycho-Stephanie if I had to do it.
  

Acting The Part & Postpartum

**Read At Your Own Risk - Post Does Contain Yucky Stuff**

Last night was our 6th and final Hypnobabies class. Kind of sad. Like the end of an era. OK - maybe I'm being a little dramatic, but it does feel weird that six weeks has gone by and now I'm supposed to be "ready"for Lumpy to come - I'm so not ready.

Last night was probably my least favorite class - mostly because we didn't get to do any relaxation exercises. However, I did get my back tickled and that was awesome. We spent half the class doing a birth rehearsal where I got into various positions (birth ball, laying down, hands and knees, etc.) and practiced hypnosis while in a pretend birthing wave. During my pretend birthing wave, Buttin or Doula would tickle my back or push on pressure points. Some of these were very strange pressure points, like my butt bone - who woulda thought? Then I got into pushing positions and pretended to push using the "ahhh" breathing technique. Honestly, I felt kind of silly. I'm not very good with people just starring at me while I pretend to do something - guess I wouldn't have made a very good actress.

The second half of class was spent discussing all of the crappy postpartum stuff, which sounds about a million times worse than anything that could possibly happen during birth. Here are just a few choice things I can look forward to:

• Lochia - vaginal discharge that's caused by the uterus shedding blood and tissue. This can last for up to SIX WEEKS - Yuck!
• Perineum soreness - As treatment, I might have to sit on one of those doughnut pillows.
  
• Constipation - Fun!
• Hemorrhoids - Double Fun!
• Night sweats - sounds like fun in the summer, in Texas.
• Swelling - oh swell!
• Postpartum depression - not good.
  

I wonder if all this potentially bad stuff happens after birth because your body figures - hey, you have a sweet little baby and that sweet little baby cancels out all the bad stuff and you won't really think about it because you're loving your baby. Lumpy, you'd better be one sweet little baby!

We also spent a good 20 minutes talking about breastfeeding (and all the things that can go wrong and right). I'm very pro-breastfeeding and I hope it works out, but I'm not going to beat myself up about it. My real goal is to be able to start pumping within a month or so after Lumpy's arrival so that Buttin (and grandmas) can help feed.

All in all, I've really enjoyed Hypnobabies. I know that I have lots of practicing to do in the next few weeks and honestly I think having my doula over every week kept me honest. I'm going to miss seeing her EVERY week, but it's now up to me and Buttin to practice, practice, practice!

Sometime during the last couple weeks of March, we'll see Doula again when she comes back to our house for our final pre-birth meeting. I'm OK with time taking its sweet time - right now, I'm in no hurry for March.

My Hero & The Worst DVD Ever

Last night was our 5th (out of 6) Hypnobabies classes. I can't believe how quickly time flies.

The majority of last night's class was spent reviewing Buttin's duties during the birthing time (remember, we don't call it "labor" in Hypnobabies). Buttin is my Hypno-guardian! Here is an artist's rendering of Buttin as my superhero (his hands look a little funny, but don't blame the artist).

We were given a sign to place on our hospital room door asking everyone who enters to please be quiet and positive. (As a side note, I would actually love it if my friend Liz made me a hospital door sign - it would be a lot more comical, but maybe less friendly. She makes signs for her own front door threatening bodily injury to solicitors.) We were also given a sheet to give to our hospital care providers regarding the proper Hypnobabies language, although I'm guessing it's a lot to ask someone to completely change their terminology just for me. I'm actually OK with whatever words they want to use, so long as they keep Lumpy and me safe.

The other part of our night was spent watching this AWESOME DVD of actual hypno-mommies during their birthing time. I think that no matter what kind of birthing classes you attend - it's a given that the DVD you watch will have been made sometime in the late 70s or early 80s. Buttin said he was offended by the DVD. I asked him if it was too graphic (we got to see EVERYTHING) and he said "No, I'm offended by the production value.". The mothers were actually using WALKMANS to listen to their hypnosis tracks. I think the last time I listened to a walkman, I was maybe 10 years old. The narration for the DVD was very unscripted and you just kind of felt like the lady was making it up as she watched the video with you. Honestly, my movies have a higher production value.

Production quality aside, all of the women seemed very relaxed (of course, they're not going to show me any screaming women in a pro-hypnosis class) and it made me feel confident that I can do this! Although, I must admit my confidence comes and goes depending upon my mood. I need lots more practice with my hypno-guardian hero.

Meet Melman

**As with all other Hypnobabies posts, proceed at your own risk.**

Melman is my birth ball. He's purple and smiley and will hopefully help me with pre-birth exercises as well during Lumpy's actual birth. After Melman has fulfilled his birthing duties - I can bring him over to Jen's house to do a good ab workout.

Last night in Hypnobabies we discussed the beginning of Lumpy's birthing time (it's not called labor in Hypnobabies). It was a relatively PG rated class - with only a brief mentioning of the mucus plug and bloody show. Here are some of the highlights:

• What to do in the early stages of birthing (prior to going to the hospital). Hypnobabies recommends that you have a task to do - like make cookies for the nurses, address Lumpy's birth announcements, work - I bet you can guess what I've selected for my task.
  
• Timing of the birthing waves (in Hypnobabies, they're not called contractions) and when we should go to the hospital. They recommend 4-1-1; birthing waves are 4 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute and have been occuring for 1 hour.
• What to expect when we get to the hospital. Thankfully, a lot of this was covered during our hospital tour last week.
• Creating the ideal birth environment (a lot of this will come later, when I write my birth plan).
  
• Ideal Lumpy positioning - I'm supposed to talk to Lumpy and say, "Head down, facing back, chin to chest!" This is not very stimulating mother/baby conversation, so I'll make sure to say other things to Lumpy too.
  
• How to use Melman!
  

One of my tasks this week is to write the first draft of our birthing plan. I also plan to share it with Dr. Elephant at my appointment on Thursday.

Birthing Choices

***Warning - contents may be too graphic for some readers*** I'm not kidding - this could make you (yes, you) uncomfortable***

As I mentioned last week, the conventional medical world and the granola world (hypnobabies is a part of the granola world if you didn't already know) are somewhat at odds. Last night during hypnobabies Buttin and I learned all about our various birthing choices. Buttin and I just plan to listen, research and then make up our own minds.

Here are a few examples of some birthing choices:

• Nothing by mouth. This means that I would not eat or drink anything during birth. Ehh . . that's not going to happen. I don't care if Buttin has to sneak food in - I have to keep my strength up. Luckily, the hospital I'm going to provides a little refreshment center in each room, but I still plan to bring my own snacks.
  
• Vaginal exams. This is pretty much what it sounds like - the nurse checks your who-ha every couple of hours to see how things are progressing. I plan to have these whenever I'm comfortable and reserve the right to not hear the results.
• IV to maintain fluid levels. I do not plan on having an IV. I would like to get up and move around as much as possible. Also, since I plan on eating and drinking (see choice #1), I will not need it for hydration purposes.
• Epidural anesthesia. I'm open to any and all possibilities, but the point of taking hypnobabies is to avoid the epidural. Color me crazy, but the idea of a needle in my back is more frightening than a watermelon passing through a pin hole.
  
• (PROBABLY MOST CRINGE INDUCING) Episiotomy. This is where a small surgical cut is made in an attempt to prevent a larger tear (if you have no idea what I'm talking about or where this cut is made, do not google it and good God - stop reading). I would prefer not to have an episiotomy; however I understand the need for one in some circumstances. For example (and this is when Buttin and I both got a little queasy), if a woman starts to tear in the upward direction (instead of down) an episiotomy would be VERY NECESSARY.
  

OK, that's enough birth choices for one post. There are many others and during the next couple of weeks I plan to draft my birth plan and share it with Dr. Elephant so that we can discuss all my preferences.

On another topic, in an attempt to not repeat last week's Molly tantrum when it was time to do the relaxation part of our evening - I let her in during the beginning of the night, in the hopes that she would tire of us quickly. No such luck. She was fascinated by anything and everything Doula related. You'd think she'd never seen paper or a pen or a doula before. When Buttin was successful in getting Molly relaxed, Mouser would then start to attack her dry erase board (apparently, anything brought into the house is fair game for rubbing against according to Mouser - this includes the Doula). For the most part, the animals just had us laughing.

Watching Buttin Turn Green

***Caution - maybe too graphic for some readers***

Last night, Buttin and I had our second Hypnobabies class.

It's difficult to describe, but the hospital/conventional birth world and the more organic birth world seem to be in conflict on a lot of things - and it's not just on what you might consider to be the BIG things like pain medication during childbirth. It's everything from the usage of drugs after childbirth (to help deliver the placenta) to the use of eye ointment on the baby after birth. Who knew that eye drops could be so controversial? Like with pretty much everything else in life, Buttin and I will just pick the parts we like from each and make our own decisions.

We spent the majority of last night's class discussing nutrition and exercise. It seems strange that we would be discussing these topics THIS late in the game, but oh well. I pretty much have the exercise part down, but the nutrition - well that part only so, so. (Maybe you've read about my mac n cheese, cookie dough and fried chicken obsessions.) Hypnobabies subscribes to the Dr. Brewer diet plan. The Dr. Brewer plan is BIG on protein and BIG on lots of calories - the plan recommends a 2,600 calories/day diet! (Again, here's where we pick and choose). I agree that I probably need to eat more protein, but I'm not sure I want to shoot for 2,600 calories/day. I'm supposed to keep a food journal for the next week - I detest food journals.

Next we get to the fun part - discussing the stages of birth (we don't call it "labor" in hypnobabies). This part didn't really seem to bother Buttin, but then we got to a part where our Doula started discussing the importance of perineal massage. (If you don't know where your perineum is located - I wouldn't suggested googling it because you may get some images your uncomfortable viewing at work.) I think Buttin is all for doing pretty much anything to make childbirth and pregnancy easier on me; however, this is where he may draw the line. He started to turn a little green when our Doula gave him a handy-dandy pamphlet on this topic. Poor Buttin.

Last night, we did a quick hypnosis session (Molly was the least cooperative puppy EVER) where I learned how to stay hypnotized while keeping my eyes open. If I'm being honest, this is still a lot to digest and "buy into" - but I am trying and I do believe that it will be helpful. We have a lot of practice to do this week and my goal is just to keep Buttin relaxed and rosy-complected.

My Bubble of Peace Is Green (Buttin's is Blue)

. . . And other things I learned from my first Hypnobabies Birth Class.

Buttin and I started childbirth classes last night. We're taking Hypnobabies (although Buttin refers to it as Hippybabies) childbirth classes every Monday night for the next five weeks. Hypnobabies teaches you most of what you might learn in normal birthing classes (baby positions, nutrition, etc.) PLUS how to hypnotize yourself to manage the pain (actually, they don't use the word pain - instead it's discomfort) of childbirth naturally.

Yes, it is my goal to experience Lumpy's birthday without drugs (insert your chuckles here . . .).

Well, here are a few things that I learned from last night's class:

• 30 seconds into relaxation, Buttin falls asleep (he's able to deeply relax very quickly);
• Hypnobabies will work - if Buttin and I can stop giggling;
• If you are trying to relax, kitties take that as an invitation to jump all over you and Molly will start to cry uncontrollably;
  
• There's lots of homework involved in birthing classes - seriously, we have to practice daily;
• I'm pretty sure that I was able to successfully hypnotize myself;
• Even though I usually dislike humus (made from icky bean-like chickpeas); if you combine it with enough pita chips - it's not so bad.

My doula is actually the course instructor and we're the only people in this class - so she came to our house (hence why the kitties were jumping and Molly was crying). I take comfort in knowning that even if I flunk the course - she will be there for Lumpy's birth to help Buttin and me.

This morning (on my way to work) I listened to my "Pregnancy Affirmations" cd. This is the only cd that is safe to listen to while in your car (other wise, you might go off the road). I have to admit, that it made me chuckle a little bit.

Here are a few examples of the affirmations and my edits.

CD: "I am eating healthy for my baby."
Me: "I am eating healthy cookie dough for my baby."

CD: "I am enjoying my pre-natal exercise."
Me: "I am enjoying my pre-natal nap-ercise."

CD: "My bubble of peace is always around me."
Me: "My bubble of peace is a little silly."

Speaking of bubble of peace, here is an artists rendering of me in my bubble of peace. My bubble is green with pink bows.

Buttin said his bubble is blue - but who knows, I think he fell asleep during the "Bubble of Peace" relaxation exercise.