The Full Truth - Cash's Birth Story

**Warning - Contains VERY graphic details - although I'm sure Buttin could give even more graphic details** VERY LONG**

Cash Hansen Naylor's Birth Story - or at least, as best I can recall. I started writing on Tuesday, April 6th in the hospital and have slowly finished it during the last week. Happy One Week Birthday Cash!

On a side note, Cash is absolutely perfect. I'm sure from time to time, I will still call him Lumpy. He's been "Lumpy" for so long that it's difficult for me to stop thinking of him as "baby Lumpy".

Now, to the story.

Some background . . .

My goal was to have a natural childbirth utilizing Hypnobabies relaxation techniques to manage discomfort. In my mind (and from everything I had read), I was expecting my birthing time (labor) to be gradual and start slowly. In Hypnobabies they explained that birthing waves (contractions) often start about 15 minutes apart and that it's a good idea to have a project of some kind to keep busy before going to the hospital. I was expecting LOTS of time. My plan was to make cookies and brownies for my L&D nurses and to pack my bag while my birthing time was starting. I was expecting all kinds of practice time to get used to my birthing waves - again, everything I had read was that they start out slow and easy (relatively speaking) and gradually build.

My body & Cash had different plans . . .

Monday morning, Buttin and I started talking about how we really were ready to meet this kiddo. I shared my fears of being induced with Buttin, but he said - "Trust me, Lumpy will come before you need to be induced." I guess he knew better than me, the momma.

My mother suggested I go get my hair cut (and maybe that would encourage Lumpy to come), so I did that on Monday afternoon. I felt completely normal all day. I was a little less hungry than usual, but I still ate my McDonald's chicken strip lunch (this had become a common healthy meal during the last month or so of pregnancy). I was feeling quite a few more Braxton Hicks contractions than usual, but nothing uncomfortable & Lumpy was moving around like crazy. I left work around 4:15 to run a couple of errands.

Our friend Mick was helping with some computer issues, so Buttin stayed at work a littler later than usual - till about 6:15. Buttin and I had already decided we're going to try all kinds of natural induction methods that night in an attempt to get things moving (keep in mind, we had been doing most of these things the previous week too).

When I got home, I listened to my "Come Out Baby" Hypnobabies CD. Then, I ordered some spicy Mexican food from Chuy's. I ordered the spiciest sauce they had to put on my quesadillas. Buttin got home, we had sex and then I went to pick up my food. When I got home (around 6:45) I ate half of my dinner making sure to use a TON of green chili sauce. (I don't usually eat spicy things, so this meal was a little uncomfortable to eat). Almost immediately, I started to feel icky in my stomach region. I thought for sure my digestive system was rebelling against the spicy food. Around 7:15, we head out for a walk. During our short walk, there are about four or five times where I had to stop, bend over and kind of brace myself because of (what I think is) gas pain. When we get back home, I go to the bathroom (diarrhea) twice in about five minutes. I'm thinking to myself - well, clearing of the digestive system is a sign of early labor, but this happened right after I ate spicy food, so certainly, this is just a result of me eating.

Around 8:00, I tell Buttin my stomach isn't feeling so good and I'm going to lay down on the couch. About 10 minutes later I ask him to bring me my ipod - I figure I can use my Hypnobabies tracks to help me deal with this gas discomfort, but just as practice. About 20 minutes later, I decided that JUST IN CASE this is my birthing time, I'll go take a shower. I spent a little time laying down on the bathtub floor just letting the water run over me. At this point, it felt like a very strong tightening in my lower abdomen and I needed to pass gas. Also, the tightening was happening rather frequently - not the 15 or so minutes apart, like I had planned, so I had pretty much told myself there's NO WAY this was labor.

I got out of the shower around 9:00 and went to the couch, wearing only my bathrobe. I asked Buttin to bring me the computer and go to the contraction timer website. I thought, just for giggles - let's time these GAS PAINS. The first and second ones were less than 4 minutes apart and both lasted for about 45 seconds. I honestly thought - see, this proves I'm not in my birthing time - if it was labor - they'd be about 15 minutes apart. I time them for the next half hour and they range from 3 - 6 minutes apart and last from about 45 seconds to one minute. At about 9:45 I decided to go put on some clothes and lay in bed. I didn't even make it to the "put on clothes" part and just collapsed in bed.

Buttin came to bed a few minutes later and asked (not for the first time), "Do you think it's time?" I finally gave in and asked him to call Doula. When I got on the phone, I couldn't talk through the "gas pains", so Buttin talked for me. She said it was probably my birthing time and to let her know what we decided to do. We decided to call the doctor's office. Again, it was difficult for me to talk to the on-call nurse, so Buttin had to do the talking for me. The on-call nurse said it sounded like labor and to head to the hospital. We called Doula back and told her we were headed to the hospital but that she was in NO WAY obligated to meet us there (remember, I'm not in my birthing time - this is something else) until we confirm this is go time!

This is where my "plan" of not packing till my early birthing time kind of backfired. Buttin had to scramble around the house finding random things to put in my bag. Thankfully, I received an awesome - hospital survival bag at Lumpy's shower, so I pretty much told Buttin to throw that bag into my duffle bag along with some clothes (I completely forgot those fabulous luxuries like a tooth brush and hair brush). I was in quite of bit of discomfort (translate: pain), and I was still thinking this must be appendicitis or very bad gas, but just in case I had Buttin take a picture of me before we walked out the door (I have no idea how I managed this smile).


We got in the truck and I was listening to my Hypnobabies tracks, trying DESPERATELY to relax. I started to think, it's a good thing this isn't my birthing time, because I'm not really doing this Hypnobabies thing very well. We made it down the street when I realized we had forgotten pillows, we head back to the house. I honestly do not remember the five minute drive to the hospital - Buttin says I was absolutely quiet, just listening to my Hypnobabies tracks (maybe - it was working).

When we pulled up to the hospital, it looks deserted. There is no one at the check-in desk, and Buttin has to walk a couple flights of stairs before he finds two security guards watching the last couple minutes of the Duke/Butler NCAA Championship game. Let's just say, the security guards didn't run that quickly to my aid - I think I interrupted their game watching.

When I got to L & D, the first nurse I met, Patty (and she stayed with us the entire time) took me into a triage room. She asked me to pee in a cup and I remember bringing the cup out to Buttin and telling him that I didn't know how to pee in it. It was like a cup with two plastic syringes and I wasn't sure what they wanted me to do, plus I had no urge to pee. After an unsuccessful attempt to pee in the strange cup, I put on the hospital gown and laid on the bed. Patty hooked me up to the monitors and started to ask me a series of basic questions like - how much did you weigh at your first appointment - how much did you weigh at your last appointment - did you use alcohol or drugs during your pregnancy- the only thing I can think is - don't you have my chart? (As it turned out, even though my doctor's office is actually INSIDE the hospital, they had not transferred my information to the labor & delivery department yet, so they didn't even know if I had prenatal care). My doula arrived while I'm being questioned - Buttin was doing his best to help answer the questions when I had a birthing wave. At some point, the questions were over (for now) and I started to get VERY warm. Doula and Buttin put cold wash cloths on my neck and back. I started using my Hypnobabies "Peace" cue and that's all I'm saying. Buttin was trying to tickle my back to help me relax, but at this point I do not want to be touched - except by the cold wash cloths. While I'm laying there, a male hospital technician comes into the room and calls me another name - apparently another patient is listed on that room number. It takes a couple of people telling this guy - it doesn't matter the name on the form, I am "Stephanie Naylor" NOT "Blah Blah Blah". While this guy is in the room, I can feel myself trying to cover up my tooshie - I only say this because I started out being rather modest, but that was quickly thrown out the window. After this guy leaves another nurse comes in and I heard her talking to Patty - she mentions that Dr. So-And-So has been called - Dr. So and So is not my doctor! I guess I knew there was always a risk that Dr. Elephant would not deliver Lumpy, but it didn't hit me until this point and at this point, I really didn't care. I had Buttin, I had Doula and I had a very nice nurse, Patty. After about ten minutes on the monitors, Patty said that I was having real birthing waves and that they were 2 - 3 minutes apart (again, I was supposed to get to the hospital when they were 4 - 5 minutes apart and that was supposed to occur after I had made brownies and packed my bag). She then checked my cervix (during a birthing wave - and it hurt like hell) and I was 4 cm dilated. I must admit I was a little disappointed that I was only at 4 cm - I was in some real discomfort and I had 6 cm to go. At this point, I'm admitted to the hospital - it's 11:30 PM. Buttin now started calling the family members on the "short list" to let them know that I was in the hospital and my birthing time had begun.

I get off the bed to walk to my labor & delivery room and I saw there was quite a bit of blood on the bed and when I stood up, blood was pouring onto my feet. The only thought I can remember having is, I can't wait to wash my feet - By the time I can wash my feet, I will have met my baby. I think this was the first time Buttin started to realize that this wasn't going to be a clean process, although he certainly doesn't let on - I only know this because of our conversations after Lumpy was born.

The time was around 11:30 PM. I don't remember the short walk to my L&D room - I was listening to my Hypnobabies tracks and I think I was experiencing some hypno-amnesia (which is very common in Hypnobabies). The L&D room was actually very large and peaceful (it's exactly as I remember from the tour) and they put me at the end of the hall, in a corner (thankfully for the other patients).

Patty taped my birth plan to the front table for all nurses to read and I can tell they've read my birth plan when another nurse says to me, "We're going to put you on the monitors for 15 minutes, but then we'll take it off so you can move around." This made me very happy and all the nurses were wonderfully sweet. Another nurse (or maybe she was a technician) came in and started putting on all my hospital tags (I think I had about fifteen tags - no joke) and she asked, "is this information correct?". It's not - they've spelled my name incorrectly (Nayler instead of Naylor). She asked how to correctly spell it, I spelled it - she said OK, so it's "NAYLLER". NO! N-A-Y-L-O-R. Ok, so it's "NAYLLOR". Oh, seriously - I almost wanted to laugh (but I'm feeling a little too much from my birthing waves), THANK GOD my last name still isn't POKORNY because that would have taken forever. I don't think I sounded frustrated with her - but I remember being slightly annoyed that I've been going to the doctor for eight months now, they have a copy of my insurance card and they still can't manage to spell my name correctly. My annoyance may have had more to do with my discomfort (at this point, I can no longer classify it as "discomfort", it's graduated to full on PAIN) than this poor woman's inability to spell (or maybe I was just difficult to understand - I'm willing to admit that this was a possibility).

Buttin made his four phone calls (my mom, his mom, my dad & my uncle) and I asked him what everyone has said - my mom and dad were on their way, his mom was going to wait and leave (she had an 8 hour drive) at 5 AM - although we know her and Nana won't get any sleep, Buttin left a message for my dad and when Buttin called to tell my uncle (woke him up), my uncle thought he was calling to brag about his NCAA tournament win (with Duke's win Buttin had won the office bracket).

Patty came in and said, "OK, we're going to put in your saline lock." I asked her if she could wait for a break in my birthing waves - at this point, they were coming very quickly and they were very intense. I'm also kind of scared of IV needles (they're big and not fun), so I was in no hurry to go from the pain of a birthing wave to the pain of an IV needle. Essentially, I waspmoving around too much during my birthing waves to stick in the needle. I kept saying, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry" for moving around too much and keeping Patty from doing her job. I keep apologizing to Patty, but it's no longer Patty, a new nurse is trying to do my saline lock and Patty is doing some other stuff. At this point, every nurse in the room is "Patty" to me and all of them were too sweet to even try to correct me.

From about 11:45PM - 12:45 PM, things get increasingly intense - we'll call this hour, the baby hour. Eventually, they got the saline lock in my wrist and I didn't feel a thing - not one tiny prick. This was either Hypnobabies (I actually had a "don't fear needles" track) or because the other pain was so painful - it would be like feeling someone pinch you while suffering from a massive, bleeding head injury. I think some one could have poked me with 15 needles and I wouldn't have felt a thing.

As soon as my saline lock was in place, Patty asked me a few more questions and had me sign some consent forms. I really think this process would be a ton more efficient, if they had you sign consent forms ahead of time. I have no idea what forms I signed (for all I know I signed away my parental rights) and I have no idea what kind of signature I wrote - it was probably very messy. I'm guessing that they usually get women to sign these forms earlier in the birthing time process, but I thought it was rather unfair that I had to sign them while in so much discomfort. Eventually, they had Buttin finish some of the forms. That was probably a good decision on their part.

Side note - what birthing waves felt like to me: An extremely, extremely intense lower abdominal cramp that builds and builds and builds and just when you think you might pass out in pain, it starts to subside. Of course the subsiding isn't much of a relief, when the birthing waves come right on top of each other.

During the baby hour, I'm pretty much just screaming the word "PEACE". Buttin later tells me this is the most un-peaceful usage of the word peace - EVER. My body is writhing in pain non-stop. Buttin, Doula and all the nurses are very encouraging and I keep apologizing saying - "I'm so sorry Darlene (Doula), I'm a hypnobabies failure. I can't get it to stop, I can't make it stop. Why can't I make it stop?" I also say things very dramatic like, "I can't do this - I'll just stay pregnant forever." I then apologized for being so dramatic. I remember apologizing for all my yelling of the word Peace and yelling other stuff too. There are many times that I'm on the verge of tears, but it was too intense to cry. By the end of the baby hour, I looked at a nurse (not Patty) with blonde hair and asked her - is there ANYTHING you can give me to take the edge off, I don't want an epidural, but I'd take morphine, Tylenol, baby asprin, marajuana - anything! Doula steped in and said very calmly, "Stephanie, why don't we get you up and go into the shower. Birthing waves are more intense while laying down and standing up might help relieve some of the discomfort." I reluctantly agree to go into the shower.

Around 12:50, I step in the shower (there's a little seat with a hole in it for me to sit on) and sit. After about 5 seconds, it felt like a balloon popped and there was a bloody, watery mess EVERYWHERE. I said, "my water broke". Buttin later tells me that he expected "water breaking" to be simple clear liquid and was not expecting all the blood and goo. I don't think this was the worst part for him, but it was pretty close. About 5 seconds after my water broke, my body convulsed and I experienced what I can only describe as the most intense desire to push. I can't control the urge - it's biological and I scream, "I have to push." I heard all the nurses scramble saying, "Push? She wants to push? Get her back out here." I'm in and out of the shower in less than 30 seconds. When I'm back on the bed, the urge (to call it an urge doesn't express the intensity, but it's the only word that comes to mind) to push only grew. The nurses all tell me to wait, that I need to be checked. The nurse with blonde hair checked me and I'm at 9 cm. I had gone from 4 - 9 cm in about an hour (the baby hour).

Another quick side note: I had always wondered (before having Cash) -if I would I recognize the desire to push, would I know when the time was right? I think any mother could tell you that the desire to push is more obvious than the desire to breathe. It's so strong that looking back, I feel silly about questioning whether or not I would know when to push.

The nurses told me I have to wait to push or I could tear. I'm thinking - you don't understand, I can't NOT push. The only job my body has at this moment is to get this baby out. For about five minutes the nurses have me concentrate on taking small little breaths and blowing in short bursts, like trying to blow out one candle. Buttin holds his finger up for me to blow on. I remember thinking - This is the stupidest thing in the entire world. Even my toe muscles are working to get this baby out and you want me to blow out a candle!!!

Thankfully, after 5 minutes they checked me again and I was at 10 cm. They told me I could push whenever it felt right. It's strange because when you reach the 9 - 10 cm mark, birthing waves go from intense cramps to a huge desire to push convulsion. Pushing birthing waves are much less painful than baby hour birthing waves, but they feel even more intense.

The first couple of times I push, I was literally screaming at the top of my lungs. (Then, while I have a break - I apologize for yelling so loudly). My doula (and nurses) encouraged me to use my gut instead of my high-pitched vocal cords to yell. I remember my Hypnobabies training and try to screaming using "Ahhh", opening my mouth wide. Every time I push, my back arches (it actually feels good) and I scream. In addition to the screaming, I also keep saying - "This feels like a huge poo." Yup, I kept describing the feeling of having my first child as "taking a poo". Buttin told me that it took some energy on his part not to laugh when I would say "poo", his thinking was that if there were ever a time for me to use stronger language it would be now. After about 10 minutes of pushing, they started giving me an oxygen mask over my mouth in between the birthing waves. I really don't want anything on me, but they tell me, "It's not for you, it's for the baby."

I should mention that somewhere during the baby hour, I lost all sense of modesty. I was hot and clothes or blankets of any kind on me, felt horrible. I remember one nurse coming in and putting a cover on me and one of the other nurses (the blonde one, who was my second favorite after Patty) threw the cover off of me and said, "She doesn't want that on her." After about 20 minutes of pushing, I look at Patty and I ask her, "When is this going to be over? Is the baby coming? How much longer?" I thought certainly I've pushed about five babies out by now. She told me that she can see that baby's hair and that I just need to push the baby down a little more before I push it out. This is the first time I feel relief and I actually smile at the news that my baby will be born soon. I wasvstill feeling very warm and I was also starting to get very tired. Had I not been so uncomfortable, I think I could have gone to sleep.

I didn't really hear anything that the nurses were saying to each other, but apparently they've already said that the Doctor (who is not Dr. Elephant) was in the break room (or wherever it is that doctors hang out) and that she was not to be called until the baby was crowning. Eventually, Cash was crowning and they paged the doctor

The doctor arrived sometime around 1:30 AM. I call this doctor, Dr. Bitch. She doesn't even introduce herself to me or to Buttin. The nurses put the little doctor cape on Dr. Bitch and then she just stands at the end of the bed, with her hands on her hips, staring at my who-ha. She didn't say anything - nothing encouraging, nothing positing - NADA. I remember trying to make eye contact with her, but she didn't reciprocate and she didn't ever smile. Meanwhile, all the nurses, my Doula and Buttin were calmly encouraging me and telling me that I was doing an excellent job. At about 1:45, Dr. Bitch looked at me and very matter of factly said "The baby's heart rate is dropping during contractions - you need to push the baby out now." I remember thinking - why didn't you say something about the baby's heart rate earlier? Do you think I could trouble you to actually get your hands down there and help? The nurses then put my legs up in the stirrup things and very helpfully instructed me on the best way to curl around the baby and push. Wow - this is actually helpful information, thank you. After my first push where I really beared down with my entire body, all the nurses and even Dr. Bitch said "Good." I could tell the difference between this push and all the others, but I just wished that someone would have told me this was what they wanted me to do earlier. This is my first child and biologically, as much as my body knew what to do - I'm was open to suggestions on how to get things done more efficiently. I beared down for the second time and I can hear Patty say, "here comes your baby." I remember her asking me if I wanted the mirrors and I think I said something like, "oh hell no." I look down during the second push and I can see the baby's head and quickly thereafter his entire body. It's 1:52 AM. As soon as his body is out, I feel instant relief, absolutely no pain or discomfot - as though nothing had had happened.

The first thing (honestly) I noticed about the baby was his penis. I looked at Cash and said, "You're a boy!" I looked at Buttin and said, "the baby has a penis." (I had sworn during my entire pregnancy that the baby was a girl) and the nurses laughed. They immediately put Cash on my chest and the second thing I noticed was that he was not as gooey or gross as I expected. He was actually rather clean (when compared to all the other mess I made). The third thing I noticed was that he cried almost immediately. Dr. Bitch may have already suctioned him when his head first came out, but I didn't see it and I loved hearing him cry.

At this point (when he's about 30 seconds old), there was a ton of commotion - there were a couple nurses doing things to Cash (I asked and his Apgar score was 8 at 1 minute and 9 at 5 minutes) and several other nurses paying attention to me.

Immediately after Cash was born, I started to shiver. I've heard this is common, but it was so strange to go from being so hot to shivering within a matter of minutes. Buttin and I were playing with Cash while everyone around us is paying attention to my who-ha area or to Cash. I don't remember what Buttin and I were talking about (although, I think I kept saying things like - "you're a boy" and "I thought you were a girl") or if Cash was crying - I only remember being so happy. I remember talking to Cash.

At some point, they took him away from me to get weighed and measured - 6 lbs, 15 oz and 20 inches long. They brought him back to my chest, but told me that his temperature was a little low.

Dr. Bitch, her assistant and a nurse were paying close attention to me - gently massaging my stomach. Dr. Bitch said (kind of to me and kind of to the air around her), "here comes the placenta". I didn't really feel a thing. I did feel the stomach massage (and to call it a massage makes it sound like something good, but it's really not relaxing in any way) and it made me feel like I had to pee. Patty asked me if I'd like to see the placenta - are you kidding me? I have this perfect little child in my arms and you'd like me to take my attention away from him and look at my placenta - no thank you. I told her, "no thank you". I honestly didn't see one thing that happened down their the entire time. Buttin said it was like a horror movie. Throughout my birthing time Buttin's face was about 5 inches from mine, but he said he still couldn't help but see some stuff he'd like to soon forget.

(Warning - very, very gross part happening soon)

A couple minutes after the placenta was delivered, Dr. Bitch told me she was going to sew me up but first she was going to give me a few shots. I remember asking how badly I tore because I didn't really feel any tearing (there was plenty of other stuff to feel). She said it wasn't that bad - a 2nd degree tear, but I had a unique injury. Apparently, sometime (don't know when) before my birthing time, I had developed a hematoma (sac of blood) in my right labia and during my birthing time, it ruptured. Wow, that must have been pleasant to watch. The injury was not severe, but I guess it qualified me as "interesting" - during my hospital stay, I had a couple nursing students ask if they could come look at it. I was like a little freak show.

So, Dr. Bitch gave me the who-ha numbing shots. It does not feel horrible, but it doesn't feel good either. She started to sew me up - I can kind of feel it, but I'm too smitten with Cash to really care. She then does a stitch and I must have kind of jumped because she said "you might feel these, it's very difficult to numb this area." Thanks for the warning, doctor. She gave me a couple more shots and then returned to stitching, but I kind of cringed a little at each of the remaining stitches.

After Dr. Bitch finishes she gets up, says "So-and-So will finish cleaning you up, but you should heal quickly." That's it, that's all I got from the doctor. She never once said, "Nice to meet you." or "You did a good job." or anything that remotely qualified as nice or sympathetic.

Patty and So-an-So finished cleaning me up - they were both very gentle and nice and had sweet things to say to me.

At this point, another nurse comes in and tells me my mom and dad were there and was it OK if they came into the room. I think it's around 2:45 in the morning now - Cash was almost an hour old.

When my mom and dad came into the room, they love on Cash and take a few pictures.

Here is a picture of me. Wasn't it awesome that I got my hair done earlier in the day? (Actually, I think that's what prompted Cash to come out.) You can totally tell - right? I've had several friends recently have children and they post their "after" picture on Facebook - they all look so beautiful and rested, not at all like my "after" - where I look like a sweaty, exhausted mugging victim.

My doula, Buttin and I started to tell my parents the story of Cash's birth. While I'm telling the story, I look at Buttin and Doula and asked them if Dr. Bitch really was a bitch or if was just my perception of what was happening. Turns out, by all accounts (not just one from a woman in pain) she was a BITCH. I make a mental note to tell Dr. Elephant about my displeasure.

Here is our first family picture:


I had intended to breastfeed Cash as soon as possible, but when they take Cash's temperature again it's not rising so they take him to the nursery. I make Buttin go with Cash.

At about 3:00 in the morning my Doula said goodbye. Again, I apologized to her for being a Hypnobabies flunky, but she was sweet and told me I did a great job.

My mom and dad stayed in the room with me. My dad tried to go to the nursery with Buttin and Cash, but it was in another building and for security purposes, they don't make it easy (unless you're the mommy or daddy) to get from one building to the other.

Eventually, Patty came back in the room and said that it was time - I had to pee before they would transfer me to my postpartum room. I guess if your bladder is too full, your uterus won't contract and this can lead to increased bleeding. My parents leave the room.

I didn't really have much to drink (and had nothing to eat) during my birthing time, but at some point, I was given some IV fluids. I vaguely remember Patty telling me they were going to do so, but I don't remember the reason or when. They also had to give me some Pitocin to stop my bleeding after Cash was born.

Patty helped me to the bathroom where I sat on the toilet for about 15 minutes, not doing a thing. My bladder was shy for the first time in my life and I hadn't peed one time since being in the hospital (remember - I couldn't pee in the complicated cup when I first enter the triage room) so they had to make sure I could pee before transferring me.

Patty came back into the room and asked if I've made any progress. I hadn't. Patty said she was going to take my parents to my postpartum room, but that if I didn't eventually pee - she'd have to give me a catheter to empty out my bladder. She said it in a very sweet, non-threatening way, but I knew she was serious. When she got back from walking my parents over to the other room, I still hadn't peed. I told her to go ahead with the catheter. I was nervous about it because I was not sure what it would feel like with all my injuries. Patty was extremely gentle. At one point, Buttin tried to come back into the room, but I told him he may want to stay outside for this part. He quickly walked back out of the room.

When Patty was finished (she emptied about 900 ml from my bladder) she helped me back to the bathroom where she prepared the most complex adult diaper EVER. It was a pair of gauze panties with two ginormous (I don't think they sell this size in the stores) maxi pads, plus one huge cold pack and a spattering of tucks pads (it looked like a pepperoni pizza of tucks pads). I then got into to the wheel chair and she wheeled me over to my postpartum room.

Patty introduced me to Josephine, my postpartum nurse. I gave Patty a huge hug and said goodbye. To me, it is kind of bizarre to go through such a huge life-altering and defining moment with someone and then, they're just gone. I can barely remember what she looks like - I wish I had taken a picture of her.

Patty and the other nurses were fantastic. Buttin and Doula were fantastic. I was a little dramatic, but a little fantastic too. And even though, Dr. Bitch was a horrible bitch - Cash and I made it through safely and that's what is most important.

Epilogue . . .

Cash and I were in the hospital till Wednesday (the 7th) afternoon. All the nurses were wonderful and the food wasn't even THAT bad (plus, Buttin brought me chocolate shakes). We had lots of friends and family visit us in the hospital and I was thankful for their company.

Dr. Elephant came to see me (once on Tuesday and once on Wednesday) and I told him about Dr. Bitch and how I was very disappointed with her bedside manner. I don't honestly expect him to do anything with my feedback, but I thought it was important to tell him. He told me he appreciated my thoughts and found it refreshing because most women prefer women doctors. I told him that I have always preferred male OBGYNs because they tend to be more gentle. Again, I think it's strange that I spent all this preparation time with Dr. Elephant only to have him not be there and absolutely no preparation time with my nurse, Patty, to have her their the entire time.

Cash, Buttin and I are settling into life at home very well (in case you haven't seen all the cute pictures from previous days). Cash is an absolute joy and I love being his mother.

WOW, CONGRATULATIONS IF YOU MADE IT TO THE END OF THIS POST WITHOUT AT LEAST TWO NAPS.