Unicorns, Pixie Dust and Free Vodka

I received a complaint.

Apparently my blog has gotten "too depressing" with all my doctor/illness/injury conversation.

The title of this post is for the complainer, who shall remain anonymous (ahem, Liz).

The rest of this post is not for her (so stop reading anonymous reader). 

Today we went to see the ENT for Cub's enlarge adenoids and snot production surplus problems.

Bottom line: Cub will probably need his adenoids and tonsils removed.

However, the doctor we saw today (who will henceforth be referred to as Dr. Prick the Huge Asshole from Butthole Town) will not be operating on Cub or be seeing him ever again.

He was the most condescending doctor I've ever visited.

Here are a few examples.  Imagine that every time "Dr Prick" speaks - he is rolling his eyes and speaking to me as though I am five and don't understand English.  

Doctor Prick:  So, what seems to be the problem?

Me:  Oh, Cash has been snotty his whole life - you know, sinus issues, allergies and colds.

Doctor Prick:  How do you know it's sinuses?

Me:  Oh, I don't really know, I just kind of assumed snot comes from sinus issues.

Doctor Prick:  Drainage doesn't mean there are sinus issues.  Has he had a cat scan?

Me:  Nope.  I was just referred to you after doing an xray.

Doctor Prick:  Well, a cat scan is the only way to really diagnose sinus issues.

Me:  OK, do we need a cat scan?

Doctor Prick:  I'll determine that need later.

Doctor Prick:  So, do you do anything for his nose to help with the drainage.

Me:  Like wash it?

Doctor Prick:  Yes.

Me:  No, not really. We have him blow his nose and when he was much younger I used saline and bulb suction.

Doctor Prick:  Well, it says here you use Nasonex (gesturing to one of the ten million forms I filled out).

Me:  Yes.

Doctor Prick:  Well, Nasonex goes in the nose - you're putting it in his nose, aren't you?

Me: Yes.

Doctor Prick:  Well, than that IS something that you're doing to help with the drainage.

Me: (Gulp) OK, I guess I didn't know exactly what you meant by the question.  (I felt like saying, well he also puts his finger, edamame and a random straw up his nose - does that also help with drainage?)

Doctor Prick:  So, describe this "stalled breathing" thing that he does when he sleeps, how long does it last?

Me:  About 5 - 10 seconds.

Doctor Prick:  Are you sure?

Me:  I think so.

Doctor Prick:  OK, let's hold our breath for 10 seconds.

Me: (really?  this is patronizing).  OK

Doctor Prick: (Gets out his watch as I pretend to hold my breath for 10 seconds).

Doctor Prick:  OK, is that how long it is?

Me:  Well, maybe closer to 5 seconds.

Doctor Prick:  Well, that's important so you need to observe him more while he sleeps.

Me:  OK.

Doctor Prick:  Your pediatrician did not send over the xray.

Me:  OK, I don't remember the name of the place, but I know it's on Parmer . . .

Doctor Prick: (cuts me off) Well, if you don't know the name of the place it's a waste of time for us to look it up at the five different places where it could be and this appointment is kind of a waste of time.

Me:  OK, let me look it up in my phone.

Doctor Prick:  Yes, please do.

Thankfully, I found the name of the xray place and he was able to view Cub's enlarge adenoids.  Apparently, his passageways are blocked by about 75% and his tonsils are larger than normal, but not huge. 

I am not exaggerating any of the dialogue above - if anything it was worse. 

Dr. Prick also thinks he is humanity's gift to all people especially stupid mothers (like me), but has less bed side manner than Dr. Bitch soaked in alligator piss - and that's saying something. 

The search for a reasonably nice, non-condescending and relatively nice smelling ENT continues.

Here are a couple of non-depressing pictures of Cub.

Eating a healthy vegetable dinner (if potato chips count as veggies).

Excited for bath time.

Riggs & I Get Blood Taken

Riggs

He's been having some runny poop the last couple of weeks.  I took him to the vet this morning.  The vet took Riggs' blood (he wasn't a fan) and we discovered that Riggs has a parasite.  We have medicine and he should be on the mend soon.

Me

This morning (after twelve hours of fasting) I went to get my blood taken - ten freaking vials!  I sat there long enough to find out that the phlebotomist has a eight (going on 18) year-old daughter, that she got a divorce a year ago, but wants the man back, but he's already living with another woman and he is not the father of her 8-year-old.  Also, the 8-year-old hasn't seen her father in seven years.  All of this information without any prompting from me - I was just there THAT long.

She said my blood draw was "as complicated as it gets".  I apologized for being so complicated, but she said it was OK because it gave her good practice.  

I also peed in a cup.

My one big observation from having blood taken (both mine and Riggs') - the vet was able to give Riggs' results to me in about 10 minutes, but I have no idea when I get my results. 

This afternoon, after all the rain - Cub decided to run into a puddle and fell on his back into the mud (a la Charlie Brown trying to kick a football).  He wasn't very happy when he fell, but then he thought all the mud was silly.

The Neurologist

This morning I went to the neurologist for my tingly feet.

He asked me about a bazillion questions and poked me (with everything from a Que-tip to a tuning fork) about five bazillion times.

Diagnosis:  I need more tests. 

He referred me to another doctor (a neurologist) who is going to do an Electromyogram and a Nerve Conduction Velocity test on me. I'm not looking forward to having needles inserted into my muscles.

I'm also going to have a metric shit-ton of blood work done - everything from ebola to vitamin deficiencies.  I actually sat in the lab waiting room for over 30 minutes before finding out that I need to fast before getting my blood taken.  I'll be grumpy and bloodless that morning - so misfits beware.  

This afternoon, I discovered that my house key was inside the house and that Cub and I were locked out.  We had to call Buttin to come rescue us.  Cash decided to entertain himself by taking hilarious (to me) videos of himself.  

Tingly Feet

I'm turning into one of those people with crazy symptoms.

A couple months ago, I had sore joints - which turned out to be sore joints. 

A few days ago, my feet started getting tingly - kind of like the feeling you get when your leg is falling asleep.  So, I went to the doctor yesterday.  He pretty much ruled out the worst things (multiple sclerosis and nerve damage) and told me I just had "tingly feet" and that it would probably go away soon and to get more foot massages (whoppee for me).

In other news, tonight I may have finally destroyed my iPhone.  It fell in the to the toilet.  I'm trying to rescue it with this little bag - called a Bheestie - that my friend Liz got me for Christmas.  I will judge her Christmas-gift-giving-skills by how much it works.

There will be no Cub picture tonight because of the iPhone situation - I blame my tingly feet.

Medical News

A couple months ago I went to the doctor for chronic joint discomfort (sometimes pain).  My blood work came back mostly normal with the exception of my ANA titer so my doctor referred me to a rheumatologist.  

I went to see the specialist a couple weeks ago and he took more blood (and some pee).  I got the results back today - basically, I'm normal except for some odd results on a couple of my anti-body tests, which were not indicative of anything specific and in his words "sporadic".  The doctor wants to take my blood (and probably pee) again in a couple of weeks and see me ten days later (sometime in late January).  At this point, he cannot diagnosis any auto-immune disease. 

I guess this just means that I'm getting old.  Oddly enough, if I wake up with any joint soreness it goes away if I run.  

In other health news I seem to have caught another stomach virus.  Not fun - especially with all the yummy eating I should be doing in the next few days.

Here's Cub today playing in the leaves.  I'm pretty convinced that our neighbor blew all their leaves into our yard.  Their yard has no leaves and the leaves in our yard seemed to have procreated like bunnies overnight.

Updates

Update on me:

I got my blood tests back from my doctor visit last week. Apparently, my "joint soreness" wasn't just in my head.  One of the blood tests,  the ANA Titer (pronounced tighter not tit-er or teet-er), came back 1:320.  My doctor said that this test is not very specific and not indicative of any disease (but most people who have lupus have elevated ANA titer tests), but did refer me to a rheumatologist.   My doctor also mentioned that the specialist will probably tell me that my test results are no big deal, but we'll probably repeat them in a year or if my symptoms worsen. 

Update on Riggs:

Riggs is a farting, disobedient puppy; however, he's very cute.  We had a follow up visit from our trainer today and she got to see Riggs in full defiant mode.  I was thankfully that he was acting up even with her around because I thought his "special" behavior was reserved for only me.  We have lots of practice.  

Update on Cub:

He's healthy, happy and silly.

A Little Scare

I'm interrupting this week's Misfit Monday to bring you HALLOWEEN!

Our Halloween started off with a little scare.

I got a call from Cub's school.  Cub fell off a small chair outside (from a standing position) and landed on his head.  They called to let me know they were applying ice and that he seemed like his normal self (they knew because he was stealing balls from his friends).  They called me back again (about five minutes later) and said he was starting to get pretty tired (it was 10:30 AM - pretty close to nap time) and they brought him inside just to observe him.  They recommended that I call our pediatrician.  I called the pediatrician - the nurse was not concerned.  The school called back again (another five minutes later) -  they strongly recommended Cub go see a doctor - he just wasn't acting right.  I called back the pediatrician's office and they made an appointment for 2:00 PM. Just as I was finishing up with the pediatrician's office, the school called back to say Cub had thrown up.  I talked to the pediatrician's office and they said to take him Dell Children's Hosptial.

When I picked Cub up from school they said he seemed better after throwing up.  I met Buttin and Gigi at the hospital.  Cub was checked out rather quickly (and played most of the time, except for when he was crying when they tried to take his pulse). They kept Cub in a room for observation until around 1:45, but he was eating and drinking and there was no more throwing up so they didn't do a scan (because of the radiation).

Cub spent his time emptying out all the drawers in the room and stacking the pee cups.

We got home from the hospital around 2:15 (Cub fell asleep on the way home) and I put Cub down for a nap.  He woke up and played with Gigi and then we got ready for Halloween - here's the train conductor running down the street.

Cash only got about five pieces of candy, but he wanted to open and taste every single one as we were walking down the street.  Eventually, it was a little too much.

Here he is with chocolate all over his mouth, he didn't seem to like chocolate very much - just wanted to try it, chew it and spit it out. 

Reunited!

Riggs is back home!

As you can see, both of the dogs are super excited.

Lots going on today, so I'll write the short story:

• We met with Riggs' trainers and they taught a bunch of commands.  Riggs knows sit, down, heal, place and here quite well.  According to the trainers, Riggs will test us in the coming weeks (he's already been doing it some this afternoon).  The trainers will visit our house next Tuesday at to evaluate our progress.
• I went to the doctor today. I've been having some joint soreness almost daily the last month or so.  The doctor doesn't think it's arthritis, but he took some blood just to run the tests.  He thinks I just have (wait for it) "joint soreness".  The therapy for "joint soreness" is ibuprofen, cookie dough and weekly massages.  
• We are officially "under contract" for the house we want to buy and the inspection is schedule for Thursday.  We're still being cautiously excited. 

Here is Cub playing with Riggs this afternoon, they are getting reaquainted: 

Another Time Trial & New Doctor

This morning our group did another time trial to see if we've improved over our last time trial. 

I improved - by about 15 seconds (16:23) and my Garmin said I went a little further - 2.09 miles, so I was pretty pleased. 

In other news, totally unrelated to running, I saw a new doctor (lady appointment) yesterday.  I love her! She came highly recommended by a fellow Baby Mama friend.  Buttin and I don't have any immediate plans to make Cub a big brother - but hopefully one day - and when that day happens I don't want a repeat of Dr. Bitch!

Here is Cub reading his book in the backyard (not at all interested in poo chasing):