A while back, Peenie had an accident on our front door area. So, we had to purchase a new front door mat. We bought a nice, easy-to-clean mat from Target:
Not super cute, but it's practical.
Yesterday morning when I left for work, our front door mat was present. However, sometime between 7:30 AM - 9:30 AM (when Buttin left the house to workout - he took the day off yesterday) our front door mat disappeared. The kind of creepy thing, our key was just laying on the ground (yeah, I know very obvious place to leave an extra front door key) undisturbed.
So the mystery is . . . where in the world did our front door mat go? It's not like it a was a cute collector's edition front door mat (because those exist). We live in a cul-de-sac so we don't have much traffic. Who took it? Did a large animal run off with it? A full investigation much be launched, but I'm too lazy to do anything immediately - so right now I just have a few theories.
Missing Front Door Mat Theories:
Not super cute, but it's practical.Yesterday morning when I left for work, our front door mat was present. However, sometime between 7:30 AM - 9:30 AM (when Buttin left the house to workout - he took the day off yesterday) our front door mat disappeared. The kind of creepy thing, our key was just laying on the ground (yeah, I know very obvious place to leave an extra front door key) undisturbed.
So the mystery is . . . where in the world did our front door mat go? It's not like it a was a cute collector's edition front door mat (because those exist). We live in a cul-de-sac so we don't have much traffic. Who took it? Did a large animal run off with it? A full investigation much be launched, but I'm too lazy to do anything immediately - so right now I just have a few theories.
Missing Front Door Mat Theories:
- Early morning scavenger hunt - maybe there was a high school band scavenger hunt and one of the things they had to collect was a front door mat.
- Someone selling something had an accident - maybe someone came to our door selling magazines or cookies or bird feeders had an explosive poo on our front door mat and because they were so embarrassed, they took the mat with them.
- A joke - we're not really close with any of our neighbors, but maybe this is some kind of practical joke.
- A animal took it away - the only animal we really have who hangs out on our front porch (which is really just a collection of collapsing bricks) is Peenie. Peenie doesn't seem strong enough to drag away the mat, but who knows.
- Strange induction method - maybe there's some weird old wives' tale about how if you remove someone's front door mat, the baby comes. Doesn't sound much stranger than some of the other methods, but it still doesn't explain who did it.
Feel free to speculate.
I think this should be the subject of Harlan Coben's next book.
I think this should be the subject of Harlan Coben's next book.
My theory: Maybe some guy took the mat to use as an ID badge for his workshirt. He may have lost his and the boss would be angry. Do you know anyone by the name of Matt?
ReplyDeleteBill
I think that we need to call in the team from CSI Miami and the team from Dateline that busts pedophiles to look into this.
ReplyDeleteCSI can do forensic testing of the porch so we can track down the DNA of the perpetrator (which will be in a criminal database somewhere) and then we can arrange for a sting operation where we wait at the thief's house and confront him/her (or the lawless gang of street thugs) that took the mat. It will all be captured on camera and they thief will be publicly humiliated for stealing from the home of a pregnant woman.
If we are lucky (and by 'we' I mean Matt) the thief will turn out to be a transexual midget with a huge collection of Russian knives, a pet tiger, a trained armadillo, Jaegermeister on tap, and a series of trapezes and zip lines that allows him to move throughout his house and yard without ever touching the floor. I think if that is your thief then all will be forgiven and Matt, in the excitement of the moment, will let the thief keep the doormat, will name your unborn child after his new friend, and you will have another guest in your home for all the holidays. Matt may also move into his new friend's home for awhile so he can observe him in his natural environment.
I should also add that I don't know who stole the doormat nor do I have any clues but I am just saying that this is what could have happened. Hypothetically.