Transition - Day Two

Today was Cash's turn to cry.

I got to the daycare around 8:20 - the plan was to stay about 10 minutes and then leave him there for an hour - by himself!

When I arrived they informed me that the power was out (something had melted - not in the school, but on something that controls the power going to the school) and if they couldn't get it back on the school would close at 10 AM. Thankfully for us - we would be long out of there before 10 AM. I was originally planning to fill out some paperwork (thereby only technically leaving the room, not the actual premises), but since the power was out they were busy dealing with that issue and they just told me to leave for 45 or so minutes.

Honestly, the drop off was better than I had expected. I handed him off to a very sweet teacher and met the mother of one of the other little boys in his class. I ran to a bakery (to pick up some goodies for my mom's group) and to work for about 10 minutes and then headed back to Cash's school.

I thought for sure Cash would be fine - he loves being held and loves the breeze (and thankfully there was a nice breeze outside since there was no AC inside). As soon as I drove up I saw the same teacher holding him while he was wailing. It wasn't his normal little cry (that I rarely hear), it was red-turning, breath-holding, tear-crying wailing! I pretty much ran (sprinted, not jogged) into school and grabbed him away from the teacher (vaccine-style). She said he had been really good until the last couple of minutes when she could tell he was really getting tired.

He was BREAKING my heart. Usually, I can calm him down by just holding and talking to him. It took me five minutes PLUS the magic power of the boob to get him calm. I couldn't help but feel like I had abandoned him. I know I'm being dramatic, but I just wasn't expecting him to be crying after such a short amount of time. I guess it was a combination of a not so good night last night plus new people, new location and no boobie.

Tomorrow (for Transition - Day Three) the plan is to drop him off at 8:30 and abandon (I mean leave) him there till 11. I really hope he decides to sleep because momma's heart can't take much more.

Transition - Day One

Today was transition DAY ONE at daycare. It was horrible . . . for me. For Cash, it was sensory paradise.

The plan was for Cash and I to go in and hang out with the caregivers and other children in his group for one hour. That's it - no big deal, I wouldn't even have to leave him.

On the way to school the song "You're Beautiful" started playing on the radio. The song has nothing to do with children, but I started to cry -- thank goodness it wasn't something like "Letting Go". I also got a wonderfully, sweet email message from my friend Kara. She told me that it would be so much easier on him than it was on me and that going to school would be great for him AND ME. I received a similar email from my dear mother-in-law last night.

Cash and I arrived at school at 8:30 (I wiped my tears and pulled it together). We spent about 20 minutes with the head-teacher of his group. She's very hippyish and incredibly nurturing. She played with Cash and said to him, "you must have had a really good birth." I told her that having him was a very good birth experience and she said she could tell - I have no idea how, but I think it has something to do with magic.

Next we met the other two caregivers and the other children in his group. There are seven children total in his group and three teachers. We hung out with the group for about 40 minutes. Cash was tired, but he just looked around and took in all the new scenery.

I brought a camera and meant to take pictures, but I was having a little trouble working on NOT crying so I didn't take any.

At 9:30 we promptly left and told everyone we'd see them tomorrow. As soon as my feet hit the parking lot pavement I started to cry. Poor Cash - all he wanted to do was sleep, but I didn't want to put him in his car seat.

I drove the 2 minute trip to work and I couldn't wait to see Buttin. I pulled it together (again). As soon as I got Cash out of the car and walked in the building I saw Buttin walking out. I was fine until he asked me - what's wrong? - then I started crying. I couldn't go into work - I was a mess. Buttin and I had already planned to go see a movie so I just decided to drive around and get to the movie early.

I can't really explain why I was so tearful. I really expected to be so much more practical as a mom. I know that school will be wonderful for Cash and I know I'll enjoy the time we have together even more now (something else my friend Kara mentioned).

The thing that made me most uncomfortable was hearing the other little boys (yup, they're all boys) cry. None of them really cried like full on tears crying, but it just made me a little sad. I know Cash sometimes cries when both Buttin and I are with him, but I just never, ever want him to be upset (if I can help it). I know they'll take excellent care of him and I know I'm only two miles away and I know it's only for a half day -- these are the things I keep repeating to myself.

Tomorrow, for transition DAY TWO I stay with Cash for about ten minutes and then leave him for about an hour. Yikes.

Here are a couple pictures of Cash today:

I've learned that if I let Cash watch some cartoons - he likes tummy time - aren't I a good mother?
I only filled up the pool about an inch today and put Cash on his back and let him flop around - he really seemed to enjoy the freedom of moving around in the water.

In Denial

Cash starts his transition to daycare (thankfully only half days for now) tomorrow.

I don't think it's quite hit me.

Buttin told me last night he didn't expect it to effect him, but it is. Buttin usually spends a good couple of hours with Cash every morning at work (while I try to get some of my work done) and now he won't have that time. Sniff, sniff . . .

Tomorrow Cash and I just go in for an hour and hang out together at the daycare. It shouldn't be too horrible.

Tonight I went through all of Cash's clothes and packed up all the stuff that doesn't fit anymore. So much of it just looks so tiny now. It probably wasn't the best idea to do this the night before he starts going to daycare, but it had to be done.

Here's a little picture of Cash today doing tummy/fist time.

A Few Quick Pictures

We had lots of sunshine today so that meant lots of playing outside and pictures!

Here are some pretty silly ones:

Back To The Couch

This morning our living room TV was fixed.

Buttin and Cash took their regular positions on the couch about five seconds after the repair guy left.

Camping Out In The Bedroom

The past couple of nights have been like my dream come true - in bed by 7:30 PM!

The bulb on our living room TV is broken so Buttin has been forced to watch TV in our bedroom in the evening. We watch TV together, but for me it's wonderful to be in bed so early.

This afternoon Cash and I decided to camp out (it's as close to camping out as I'll ever get) in the bedroom. I brought all of the toys we usually play with in the living room onto the bed and we just hung played and took naps.

Here he is sitting up (with pillow and Boppy support) doing one of his favorite things - eating his blanket.

I Have An Addiction

I'll admit it.

I'm addicted to taking pictures of Graby.

I have a Shutterfly site so that the grandmas can look at and purchase pictures to their hearts' content. Well, I learned today (while uploading the final pictures for month three) that the maximum number of pictures allowed in one album is 1,000. Yup - that's right I uploaded over 1,000 (1,088 to be exact) pictures of Cash for the time period of June 6 - July 5. And this number is just a subset of all the pictures I've actually taken.

Apparently, even my dad thinks I take too many pictures of his grandson. I called last night and he said, I wasn't expecting you to call, I thought you'd be taking pictures. Everyone's a critic! I'm glad I have all the pictures though and I think he is too.

Today Cash and I were rained in and couldn't go swimming. We still went outside to take a few dozen pictures.

Here's a silly one of Cash & Peenie - I like to think they're a gang - a really tough gang: