Transition - Day One

Today was transition DAY ONE at daycare. It was horrible . . . for me. For Cash, it was sensory paradise.

The plan was for Cash and I to go in and hang out with the caregivers and other children in his group for one hour. That's it - no big deal, I wouldn't even have to leave him.

On the way to school the song "You're Beautiful" started playing on the radio. The song has nothing to do with children, but I started to cry -- thank goodness it wasn't something like "Letting Go". I also got a wonderfully, sweet email message from my friend Kara. She told me that it would be so much easier on him than it was on me and that going to school would be great for him AND ME. I received a similar email from my dear mother-in-law last night.

Cash and I arrived at school at 8:30 (I wiped my tears and pulled it together). We spent about 20 minutes with the head-teacher of his group. She's very hippyish and incredibly nurturing. She played with Cash and said to him, "you must have had a really good birth." I told her that having him was a very good birth experience and she said she could tell - I have no idea how, but I think it has something to do with magic.

Next we met the other two caregivers and the other children in his group. There are seven children total in his group and three teachers. We hung out with the group for about 40 minutes. Cash was tired, but he just looked around and took in all the new scenery.

I brought a camera and meant to take pictures, but I was having a little trouble working on NOT crying so I didn't take any.

At 9:30 we promptly left and told everyone we'd see them tomorrow. As soon as my feet hit the parking lot pavement I started to cry. Poor Cash - all he wanted to do was sleep, but I didn't want to put him in his car seat.

I drove the 2 minute trip to work and I couldn't wait to see Buttin. I pulled it together (again). As soon as I got Cash out of the car and walked in the building I saw Buttin walking out. I was fine until he asked me - what's wrong? - then I started crying. I couldn't go into work - I was a mess. Buttin and I had already planned to go see a movie so I just decided to drive around and get to the movie early.

I can't really explain why I was so tearful. I really expected to be so much more practical as a mom. I know that school will be wonderful for Cash and I know I'll enjoy the time we have together even more now (something else my friend Kara mentioned).

The thing that made me most uncomfortable was hearing the other little boys (yup, they're all boys) cry. None of them really cried like full on tears crying, but it just made me a little sad. I know Cash sometimes cries when both Buttin and I are with him, but I just never, ever want him to be upset (if I can help it). I know they'll take excellent care of him and I know I'm only two miles away and I know it's only for a half day -- these are the things I keep repeating to myself.

Tomorrow, for transition DAY TWO I stay with Cash for about ten minutes and then leave him for about an hour. Yikes.

Here are a couple pictures of Cash today:

I've learned that if I let Cash watch some cartoons - he likes tummy time - aren't I a good mother?
I only filled up the pool about an inch today and put Cash on his back and let him flop around - he really seemed to enjoy the freedom of moving around in the water.