Cartman - Torture For Terrorists

We have four pets. They are all loved dearly and all have a unique personality and many quirks. However, one of them far outshines the others with regard to disgusting behavior.

Cartman is an eleven year old - 7 lbs of filth - chihuahua.


Here is a small list of his talents:

1. Eating cat poo. This is a relatively new talent (we just got our first cat two years ago). He actually runs towards the litter box as soon as he hears one of the cats scratching in the litter. It's like his dinner bell.
2. Blowing pee bubbles. Molly and Cartman can't be inside at the same time, so when we bring Molly inside - Cartman goes outside in the garage. To demonstrate his pleasure in being in the garage, he pees next to the door, lays in it and starts huffing pee. He makes this snorting noise that can be heard from any room in the house - we call him "Dragon Puppy" when he makes this noise.
3. Red pee beard & feet. As a result of talent number two, whenever we allow him back into the house, he has a little red pee beard and red pee feet. This in it of itself is horrible, but he loves to jump all over you and give kisses when he comes in the door. These are the types of kisses I would use to torture terrorists.
4. Pee licking. This no longer happens because we replaced all our carpet with hardwood, but it's so gross that it's worth mentioning. He used to pee on the carpet and then lick the carpet fibers where he peed. I would like to think that he was trying to clean up after himself, but that's just wishful thinking.
   
5. Licking everything. Cartman has retired from the licking his own pee event, but he still licks everything else - including us. I'd like to say it's not as bad because he no longer licks pee, but he's replaced pee licking with cat poo eating, so I think it's gotten worse.
   
6. Throwing up in bed. This combines a trifecta of Cartman talents. He begins out in the garage by blowing pee bubbles. When he comes in from the garage he drinks massive amounts of water (even though there is plenty in the garage for him). He then hops into bed and makes a pleasant reverse sneeze noise as he barfs all the water (and whatever he's been eating - probably cat poo) in our bed. He then licks up the barf and then tries to lick me. It's wonderful - especially because it leaves a nice barfy wet spot.
   

I love this puppy, really I do - even though he doesn't make it easy to love him. (He's kind of like a drug addict with hygiene problems in that way. ) If anyone wants to puppy-sit him and experience his vast array of talents - just let me know.