((Warning, post may be too long and too boring for most readers. This is really just a post that I'm using as a "diary".))
One of the big debates for parents regarding sleep is let them cry vs. never let them cry.
I've mentioned before that I'm a lot more sentimental as a parent than I expected. It's difficult for me to see Cash make a pouty face and I'm pretty much mush if he starts crying, especially when tears are involved.
As some background, I would say that Cub is probably an average sleeper. He's not sleeping 12+ hours at a time, but he's not waking up every 2 hours either. However, he has developed this bad habit of waking in the middle of the night (or sometimes 9PM or 3 AM) and not wanting to go back to sleep for a couple of hours.
I will always attend to his needs; however, he does not NEED to be awake for two hours in the middle of the night (and neither do I or Buttin). As much as he may want to be with us, we have to be tough - this is not a decision he gets to make. (He can make other very important decisions like to chew on a keyboard or a remote or a sophie.)
Buttin and I have pretty much read ourselves into confusion regarding baby sleep (or not sleeping as in our case) and gotten advice from other parents we trust (including my mother).
We developed our own strategy that will hopefully make this transition more of an "easement" and less of a "training". I abhor the term "sleep training" - my child is not a dog.
We do not mind tending to his needs for comfort or eating in the middle of the night - the real issue is Cub being awake for hours at a time in the middle of the night.
Here is our plan:
Phase I - Week 11/22 - 11/28
One of the big debates for parents regarding sleep is let them cry vs. never let them cry.
I've mentioned before that I'm a lot more sentimental as a parent than I expected. It's difficult for me to see Cash make a pouty face and I'm pretty much mush if he starts crying, especially when tears are involved.
As some background, I would say that Cub is probably an average sleeper. He's not sleeping 12+ hours at a time, but he's not waking up every 2 hours either. However, he has developed this bad habit of waking in the middle of the night (or sometimes 9PM or 3 AM) and not wanting to go back to sleep for a couple of hours.
I will always attend to his needs; however, he does not NEED to be awake for two hours in the middle of the night (and neither do I or Buttin). As much as he may want to be with us, we have to be tough - this is not a decision he gets to make. (He can make other very important decisions like to chew on a keyboard or a remote or a sophie.)
Buttin and I have pretty much read ourselves into confusion regarding baby sleep (or not sleeping as in our case) and gotten advice from other parents we trust (including my mother).
We developed our own strategy that will hopefully make this transition more of an "easement" and less of a "training". I abhor the term "sleep training" - my child is not a dog.
We do not mind tending to his needs for comfort or eating in the middle of the night - the real issue is Cub being awake for hours at a time in the middle of the night.
Here is our plan:
Phase I - Week 11/22 - 11/28
- I will nurse or pat Cub to sleep for all naps and at night.
- If he wakes up anytime between when he initial goes to sleep and 1:00 AM - we let him fuss (after initially making sure he's OK) until he goes back to sleep - up to 45 minutes of fussing.
- If he wakes up anytime after 1:00 AM - I will feed him and put him back to sleep by either nursing him or patting his back (up to 20 minutes). If he does not go to sleep after 20 minutes of back patting, I will leave him and let him fuss for up to 45 minutes.
- If he wakes up anytime after his nighttime feeding, but before 6:00 AM - we let him fuss (after initially making sure he's OK) until he goes back to sleep - up to 45 minutes fussing.
- Anytime after 6:00 AM, he can be awake for the day.
- For naps, he must stay in his bed for one hour. If he wakes up any earlier - we will let him fuss (after initially making sure he's OK) until he goes back to sleep - up to 45 minutes of fussing.
If he ever fusses for the full 45 minutes. We call the night a "bust" and just do whatever we can to make him (and us) happy. If he ever escalates to a "losing his shit" - level (as Buttin likes to call it), we go get him and call the night (or nap) a "bust".
Buttin and I are both nervous about our plan. He has wonderfully volunteered to be the listening parent - while I put on my headphones. I will get stronger. I (with Buttin) have made this decision to let him cry, so I need to be prepared to listen to it.
Day One: 11/22
Nap
1:45 - Cub is asleep in his bed.
3:00 - Cub wakes up.
Well, that was easy - I didn't have to do anything.
Night
6:15 - Cub is in bed after being nursed to sleep.
6:30 - 8:00 - Cub makes a couple of peeps, but nothing lasting longer than 30 seconds.
2:00 - Cub wakes up and I feed him, pat his back to sleep.
2:25 - Cub is back asleep in his bed.
2:35 - Cub wakes up & I go onto the couch to listen. I've told myself I will let him cry till 3:15.
2:45 - Buttin comes out to the couch and sends me back to bed (and to my headphones).
3:00 - I go out and check on Buttin. Cub has been quiet now for a couple of minutes.
3:05 - We go check on Cub & he's fast asleep.
6:30 - Cub wakes up for the morning.
Pretty successful and not as difficult as I expected. We know it'll probably get more difficult, but are encouraged by the first night.
Day Two: 11/23
Nap
1:30 - Cub is asleep in his bed (after being nursed to sleep)
2:00 - Cub wakes up, cries and I'm at home alone. I've told myself I will wait till 2:45.
2:15 - Cub is back asleep and adorable.
3:45 - Wakes up from nap extremely happy and playful.
Night
6:30 - Cub is asleep in his bed after being patted to sleep.
6:35 - Cub wakes up and Buttin and I plan to wait till 7:15.
6:50 - Cub is back asleep.
7:30 - Cub wakes up and Buttin and I plan to wait till 8:15.
7:40 - Cub is back asleep.
5:30 - Cub wakes up (that's right 7:40 - 5:30 straight). We decide since he didn't eat at all during the night, it's OK to go get him.
It was better/easier than even the first night. I'm starting to feel slightly empowered by our decision. We can identify his cries and so far, he hasn't "lost his shit".
Day Three: 11/24
Nap
1:30 - 1:50 - Cub is exhausted, but does not go to sleep on the boob, he wants to play.
1:50 - I put him in bed awake and tell myself, I'll give him till 2:30.
2:10 - Cub is zonked out.
3:30 - Cub wakes up (maybe a little too soon, but the rule is that he only has to be in bed an hour for naps.)
Night
6:45 - Cub is asleep in bed after being nursed/patted to sleep.
6:00 - Cub wakes up (over 11 hours of straight sleep without a peep!).
Day Four: 11/25
Morning Nap
8:30 - 8:50 - Cub is fighting sleep (after being awake almost 3 hours).
8:55 - I put him in his bed, give him a toy and kisses.
9:00 - He is fast asleep, holding his rings.
11:00 - Cub wakes up, well-rested.
Afternoon Nap
Kind of a bust because we spent it out of the house, so it was difficult to get and keep him asleep.
Night
6:20 - Cub doesn't want to fall asleep via boob, so I put him to bed, give him kisses and leave.
6:21 - Cub is fast asleep.
9:30 - Cub wakes up and starts to cry.
10:15 - (after what feels like forever) Buttin goes to check on Cub - he's dry and not in some funky position.
10:21 - I soothe Cub and he eats a little. I put him back in his crib and pat his back for a few minutes. I leave before he is asleep.
10:22 - Cub is fast asleep.
11:00 - Cub is awake and crying (yuck, my heart is breaking)
11:30 - Cub is finally back asleep.
6:00 - Cub wakes up.
Night was a little more rough than I wanted, but Buttin and I are encouraged by the amount of uninterrupted sleep we are all getting.
Day Five: 11/26
Both naps were a bust because we were not at home.
Night
6:10 - Cub is exhausted and falls asleep while eating. I put him in his bed fast asleep.
6:52 - Cub wakes up crying.
7:05 - Cub is back asleep.
5:20 - Cub wakes up, crying. It's too early to be awake for the day, but maybe he needs a snack.
5:30 - Cub is back in bed after a quick snack.
5:35 - Cub is back asleep after a couple minutes of fussing.
7:30 - Cub wakes up, playing with his calculator in his bed.
This is getting easier and easier. Buttin and I cautiously wait for the shoe to drop.
Day Six: 11/27
Morning Nap
10:20 - Cub is sleepy so I put him in his bed.
10:30 - Cub is asleep after about 10 minutes of fussing.
11:40 - Cub wakes up.
Afternoon Nap
1:55 - I put Cub to bed after he almost falls asleep (but wakes up) on the boob.
2:15 - Cub finally (after about 20 minutes of pretty dramatic, but not "shit losing" crying) falls asleep.
2:55 - Cub wakes up, crying a little.
2:58 - Cub is back asleep.
3:40 - Cub is awake, still a little sleepy but poopy so it's time to get out of bed.
Night
6:25 - I put Cub to bed tired, but still awake.
6:27 - Cub is fast asleep.
5:30 - Cub wakes up, I feed him and Buttin puts him back to bed.
5:35 - Cub is back asleep.
7:10 - Cub wakes up for the day.
Buttin and I comment to each other how we no longer fear bedtime. Before we started this experiment, I would dread bedtime. I would wonder, what if he doesn't fall asleep on the boob? how long will we have to pat him to get him to sleep? how long before he wakes up?
A couple of weeks ago, Buttin was at a concert and Cub literally work up every 5 - 15 minutes from about 8 - 10:30. It was exhausting.
Day Seven: 11/28
Morning Nap:
9:40 - I put Cub to bed awake, but tired.
9:45 - I leave the house (to go by Christmas decorations) and Cub is talking a little, but calm.
9:55 - Cub is still talking and has a little crying fit (Buttin told me this).
10:00 - Cub is asleep.
11:00 - Cub wakes up.
Afternoon Nap:
1:45 - Cub is exhausted and falls asleep while eating, I put him in bed already asleep.
2:15 - Cub wakes for about a minute, but quickly falls back asleep.
3:15 - Cub wakes up.
Night:
6:20 - I put Cub to bed awake, but very calm. I sang him a song and he just laid his head down in his bed while I was singing.
6:25 - Cub starts to cry, a little.
6:35 - Cub is fast asleep.
In Summary:
So as you can tell, we ended up modifying our rules a little as we went (flexibility really is key as a parent). We discovered that Cub didn't need (and sometimes didn't want) to be put to sleep via boob or patting. Phase I kind of blended into Phase II (which was going to include just putting him to bed without being asleep) and that ended up being OK.
Overall, Buttin and I were extremely pleased with our first week of "easement into sleep". If you would have asked me about doing anything like this a couple of months ago I would have said, NEVER. I had so much anxiety about letting Cub cry (about anything, for any period of time) that I actually had nightmares about it.
During the past week Buttin, Cub and I have gotten more sleep than we have since Cub was born. I no longer dread bedtime and naptime. I know that we may have some periods of regression and I'm sure Cub will have some nights/naptimes when he fights it, but the past week was REALLY, REALLY encouraging.
Buttin and I are both nervous about our plan. He has wonderfully volunteered to be the listening parent - while I put on my headphones. I will get stronger. I (with Buttin) have made this decision to let him cry, so I need to be prepared to listen to it.
Day One: 11/22
Nap
1:45 - Cub is asleep in his bed.
3:00 - Cub wakes up.
Well, that was easy - I didn't have to do anything.
Night
6:15 - Cub is in bed after being nursed to sleep.
6:30 - 8:00 - Cub makes a couple of peeps, but nothing lasting longer than 30 seconds.
2:00 - Cub wakes up and I feed him, pat his back to sleep.
2:25 - Cub is back asleep in his bed.
2:35 - Cub wakes up & I go onto the couch to listen. I've told myself I will let him cry till 3:15.
2:45 - Buttin comes out to the couch and sends me back to bed (and to my headphones).
3:00 - I go out and check on Buttin. Cub has been quiet now for a couple of minutes.
3:05 - We go check on Cub & he's fast asleep.
6:30 - Cub wakes up for the morning.
Pretty successful and not as difficult as I expected. We know it'll probably get more difficult, but are encouraged by the first night.
Day Two: 11/23
Nap
1:30 - Cub is asleep in his bed (after being nursed to sleep)
2:00 - Cub wakes up, cries and I'm at home alone. I've told myself I will wait till 2:45.
2:15 - Cub is back asleep and adorable.
3:45 - Wakes up from nap extremely happy and playful.
Night
6:30 - Cub is asleep in his bed after being patted to sleep.
6:35 - Cub wakes up and Buttin and I plan to wait till 7:15.
6:50 - Cub is back asleep.
7:30 - Cub wakes up and Buttin and I plan to wait till 8:15.
7:40 - Cub is back asleep.
5:30 - Cub wakes up (that's right 7:40 - 5:30 straight). We decide since he didn't eat at all during the night, it's OK to go get him.
It was better/easier than even the first night. I'm starting to feel slightly empowered by our decision. We can identify his cries and so far, he hasn't "lost his shit".
Day Three: 11/24
Nap
1:30 - 1:50 - Cub is exhausted, but does not go to sleep on the boob, he wants to play.
1:50 - I put him in bed awake and tell myself, I'll give him till 2:30.
2:10 - Cub is zonked out.
3:30 - Cub wakes up (maybe a little too soon, but the rule is that he only has to be in bed an hour for naps.)
Night
6:45 - Cub is asleep in bed after being nursed/patted to sleep.
6:00 - Cub wakes up (over 11 hours of straight sleep without a peep!).
Day Four: 11/25
Morning Nap
8:30 - 8:50 - Cub is fighting sleep (after being awake almost 3 hours).
8:55 - I put him in his bed, give him a toy and kisses.
9:00 - He is fast asleep, holding his rings.
11:00 - Cub wakes up, well-rested.
Afternoon Nap
Kind of a bust because we spent it out of the house, so it was difficult to get and keep him asleep.
Night
6:20 - Cub doesn't want to fall asleep via boob, so I put him to bed, give him kisses and leave.
6:21 - Cub is fast asleep.
9:30 - Cub wakes up and starts to cry.
10:15 - (after what feels like forever) Buttin goes to check on Cub - he's dry and not in some funky position.
10:21 - I soothe Cub and he eats a little. I put him back in his crib and pat his back for a few minutes. I leave before he is asleep.
10:22 - Cub is fast asleep.
11:00 - Cub is awake and crying (yuck, my heart is breaking)
11:30 - Cub is finally back asleep.
6:00 - Cub wakes up.
Night was a little more rough than I wanted, but Buttin and I are encouraged by the amount of uninterrupted sleep we are all getting.
Day Five: 11/26
Both naps were a bust because we were not at home.
Night
6:10 - Cub is exhausted and falls asleep while eating. I put him in his bed fast asleep.
6:52 - Cub wakes up crying.
7:05 - Cub is back asleep.
5:20 - Cub wakes up, crying. It's too early to be awake for the day, but maybe he needs a snack.
5:30 - Cub is back in bed after a quick snack.
5:35 - Cub is back asleep after a couple minutes of fussing.
7:30 - Cub wakes up, playing with his calculator in his bed.
This is getting easier and easier. Buttin and I cautiously wait for the shoe to drop.
Day Six: 11/27
Morning Nap
10:20 - Cub is sleepy so I put him in his bed.
10:30 - Cub is asleep after about 10 minutes of fussing.
11:40 - Cub wakes up.
Afternoon Nap
1:55 - I put Cub to bed after he almost falls asleep (but wakes up) on the boob.
2:15 - Cub finally (after about 20 minutes of pretty dramatic, but not "shit losing" crying) falls asleep.
2:55 - Cub wakes up, crying a little.
2:58 - Cub is back asleep.
3:40 - Cub is awake, still a little sleepy but poopy so it's time to get out of bed.
Night
6:25 - I put Cub to bed tired, but still awake.
6:27 - Cub is fast asleep.
5:30 - Cub wakes up, I feed him and Buttin puts him back to bed.
5:35 - Cub is back asleep.
7:10 - Cub wakes up for the day.
Buttin and I comment to each other how we no longer fear bedtime. Before we started this experiment, I would dread bedtime. I would wonder, what if he doesn't fall asleep on the boob? how long will we have to pat him to get him to sleep? how long before he wakes up?
A couple of weeks ago, Buttin was at a concert and Cub literally work up every 5 - 15 minutes from about 8 - 10:30. It was exhausting.
Day Seven: 11/28
Morning Nap:
9:40 - I put Cub to bed awake, but tired.
9:45 - I leave the house (to go by Christmas decorations) and Cub is talking a little, but calm.
9:55 - Cub is still talking and has a little crying fit (Buttin told me this).
10:00 - Cub is asleep.
11:00 - Cub wakes up.
Afternoon Nap:
1:45 - Cub is exhausted and falls asleep while eating, I put him in bed already asleep.
2:15 - Cub wakes for about a minute, but quickly falls back asleep.
3:15 - Cub wakes up.
Night:
6:20 - I put Cub to bed awake, but very calm. I sang him a song and he just laid his head down in his bed while I was singing.
6:25 - Cub starts to cry, a little.
6:35 - Cub is fast asleep.
In Summary:
So as you can tell, we ended up modifying our rules a little as we went (flexibility really is key as a parent). We discovered that Cub didn't need (and sometimes didn't want) to be put to sleep via boob or patting. Phase I kind of blended into Phase II (which was going to include just putting him to bed without being asleep) and that ended up being OK.
Overall, Buttin and I were extremely pleased with our first week of "easement into sleep". If you would have asked me about doing anything like this a couple of months ago I would have said, NEVER. I had so much anxiety about letting Cub cry (about anything, for any period of time) that I actually had nightmares about it.
During the past week Buttin, Cub and I have gotten more sleep than we have since Cub was born. I no longer dread bedtime and naptime. I know that we may have some periods of regression and I'm sure Cub will have some nights/naptimes when he fights it, but the past week was REALLY, REALLY encouraging.
Hurray! Sounds like all of you have made some awesome transitions this past week. I hope it continues to go well.
ReplyDeleteyayyyy for you guys!!!!
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