My friend Liz is many things. She's fabulous, loyal and never has a problem telling you exactly what she thinks. What is it she always says . . ."I am often wrong, but never in doubt"or something similar?
Liz is also fiercely protective of anyone she loves (including me) and she frequently questions things that I do (like buying Cadbury Eggs off the interweb) that she doesn't approve of or doesn't quite "get".
She didn't "get" hypnobabies at all. In fact, I was motivated to write this post based upon her comments to my postpartum appointment post.
I was absolutely rolling on the floor when I read this comment:
Metamorphosis into Motherhood...really?
I sometimes feel like you joined cult with that hypnobabies thing...they don't call things what they are which, to me, is a sign of being out of touch with reality.
For example:
Excruciating pain = slight discomfort
Labor = birthing waves
Drugs to alleviate labor pain = WTF? No way!
What next? Here is how I think these people would like you to describe other common words:
Taxes = Financial Support of Government Programs
Murder = Assisted Transition to the Afterlife
Broken Arm = Bone in Need of R&R
Fatal Car Accident = Vehicular Inconvenience
Dog Bite = Canine Love Nibble
Cat Scratch = Feline Love Tap
Arson = Intentional Roasting of Home & Humans
Kidnapping = Relocation by Unknown People
Ransom = Financial Assistance to Babysitter at an Undisclosed Location
If you start drinking weird Kool Aid and use terms like the ones I described above or if you and Matt decide to move to a commune with your Doula I will lead an intervention. Or your Doula's Assisted Transition to the Afterlife. Really. You can bet on it.
As you can tell, Liz is a fan of complete disclosure and the brutal truth. Don't sugar coat anything for her.
In honor of my friend Liz, I've come up with my own Lizzeuphemisms for motherhood:
Starvation = Desire for food
Sleep Deprivation = Desire for sleep
Baby Poop = Child's gift to parent (or caregiver)
Baby Crying/Screaming = Childhood communication technique
Spit-up = Another gift from child to parent (or caregiver)
Diaper Rash = Tooshie skin ailment
Now, here's an adorable picture of Cash even though he has baby acne (lizzeuphemism - baby acne = little face bumps)
Liz is also fiercely protective of anyone she loves (including me) and she frequently questions things that I do (like buying Cadbury Eggs off the interweb) that she doesn't approve of or doesn't quite "get".
She didn't "get" hypnobabies at all. In fact, I was motivated to write this post based upon her comments to my postpartum appointment post.
I was absolutely rolling on the floor when I read this comment:
Metamorphosis into Motherhood...really?
I sometimes feel like you joined cult with that hypnobabies thing...they don't call things what they are which, to me, is a sign of being out of touch with reality.
For example:
Excruciating pain = slight discomfort
Labor = birthing waves
Drugs to alleviate labor pain = WTF? No way!
What next? Here is how I think these people would like you to describe other common words:
Taxes = Financial Support of Government Programs
Murder = Assisted Transition to the Afterlife
Broken Arm = Bone in Need of R&R
Fatal Car Accident = Vehicular Inconvenience
Dog Bite = Canine Love Nibble
Cat Scratch = Feline Love Tap
Arson = Intentional Roasting of Home & Humans
Kidnapping = Relocation by Unknown People
Ransom = Financial Assistance to Babysitter at an Undisclosed Location
If you start drinking weird Kool Aid and use terms like the ones I described above or if you and Matt decide to move to a commune with your Doula I will lead an intervention. Or your Doula's Assisted Transition to the Afterlife. Really. You can bet on it.
As you can tell, Liz is a fan of complete disclosure and the brutal truth. Don't sugar coat anything for her.
In honor of my friend Liz, I've come up with my own Lizzeuphemisms for motherhood:
Starvation = Desire for food
Sleep Deprivation = Desire for sleep
Baby Poop = Child's gift to parent (or caregiver)
Baby Crying/Screaming = Childhood communication technique
Spit-up = Another gift from child to parent (or caregiver)
Diaper Rash = Tooshie skin ailment
Now, here's an adorable picture of Cash even though he has baby acne (lizzeuphemism - baby acne = little face bumps)
You are so funny! That photo is so cute.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I should start censoring my comments or at least thinking before I talk/write.
I think one day, just for fun, we should try to speak in hypnobabies-speak for 1 whole day. I don't think I could get through a whole day speaking that way - the day would end with me banging my head against a wall until I achieved a state of unconsciousness.
Also, is Cash too young to go to the spa for an exfoliating facial? That could really help his acne.
ReplyDeleteyou guys sleep a lot.
ReplyDeleteor...at least in pictures, you do.
ReplyDelete