I got a call from the school yesterday.
Cub is biting.
This isn't a behavioral issue (some kids bite around age 3 or 4 when they act out), it's just developmental. He's teething and learning how to use his mouth and his new utensils.
Here is a modified transcript of my conversation with his teacher - what I said and then the actual truth.
Teacher: So, at home, what language do you use when Cash bites you?
Me: Um, I say things like, "please be gentle with your teeth" or "teeth are for eating"
THE TRUTH: I laugh.
Teacher: So, at home, do you let Cash play-bite you?
Me: Um, no, not really.
THE TRUTH: Yes and we laugh hysterically when he comes at us - mouth open wide - ready to bite/kiss.
Teacher: So, at home, do you play-bite Cash?
Me: Do I bite my child? Um, no.
THE TRUTH: Yes - I stick his little feet in my mouth (after bath time) and say, "maw, maw, maw" and he giggles and giggles.
Teacher: So, at home, do you have him practice giving gentle kisses to your animals, real or stuffed?
Me: Oh, yes Cash is very gentle with our animals. We demonstrate how to give sweet kisses to our cats and dogs.
THE TRUTH: This is what Cash does to Mouser.
Cash: Oh, look a kitty. Perhaps I'll use this as an opportunity to practice gentle kisses.
Cash: Hold still kitty, this won't hurt one bit.
Cash: Gotcha now. This is gentle, right?
Mouser: Help me.
Teacher: OK, so it sounds like we're doing the same things here at school. Maybe you can bring in one of his favorite stuffed animals and we'll practice being gentle here at school too.
Me: Oh, great idea - I was just thinking that myself.
THE TRUTH: Oh crap, my kid is a biter without a favorite stuffed animal and he'll probably grow up to be some kind of strange biting Boo Radley-esque man with rocks for friends.
I called Buttin right away and told him that we have to stop laughing when he bites us (or the animals or his friends or our friends or his grandmas). It's just so freaking hard not to laugh at his adorable toothy cuteness.
Cub is biting.
This isn't a behavioral issue (some kids bite around age 3 or 4 when they act out), it's just developmental. He's teething and learning how to use his mouth and his new utensils.
Here is a modified transcript of my conversation with his teacher - what I said and then the actual truth.
Teacher: So, at home, what language do you use when Cash bites you?
Me: Um, I say things like, "please be gentle with your teeth" or "teeth are for eating"
THE TRUTH: I laugh.
Teacher: So, at home, do you let Cash play-bite you?
Me: Um, no, not really.
THE TRUTH: Yes and we laugh hysterically when he comes at us - mouth open wide - ready to bite/kiss.
Teacher: So, at home, do you play-bite Cash?
Me: Do I bite my child? Um, no.
THE TRUTH: Yes - I stick his little feet in my mouth (after bath time) and say, "maw, maw, maw" and he giggles and giggles.
Teacher: So, at home, do you have him practice giving gentle kisses to your animals, real or stuffed?
Me: Oh, yes Cash is very gentle with our animals. We demonstrate how to give sweet kisses to our cats and dogs.
THE TRUTH: This is what Cash does to Mouser.
Cash: Oh, look a kitty. Perhaps I'll use this as an opportunity to practice gentle kisses.
Cash: Hold still kitty, this won't hurt one bit.
Cash: Gotcha now. This is gentle, right?
Mouser: Help me.
Teacher: OK, so it sounds like we're doing the same things here at school. Maybe you can bring in one of his favorite stuffed animals and we'll practice being gentle here at school too.
Me: Oh, great idea - I was just thinking that myself.
THE TRUTH: Oh crap, my kid is a biter without a favorite stuffed animal and he'll probably grow up to be some kind of strange biting Boo Radley-esque man with rocks for friends.
I called Buttin right away and told him that we have to stop laughing when he bites us (or the animals or his friends or our friends or his grandmas). It's just so freaking hard not to laugh at his adorable toothy cuteness.
So to recap:
ReplyDeleteYou are a liar who finds your son's violence amusing. You encourage it by laughing while he inflicts pain other others.
Your son is becoming a violent sociopath who is (like most psychos) starting early on his animal torture spree.
Your son's school is already calling you about his violent tendencies and you choose to ignore the warning signs.
You are enabling and covering for your son by lying to the school administrators.
Oh yeah, this story is going to end well.
I see a car chase, police standoff, a straitjacket, lithium, and a prison cell in Cash's future. Pretty much what I expected anyway after the "Christmas bow on Cash's head photo incident from 2010".
Hope you are really proud of your parenting skills. Well played "Mommie Dearest".
Dear Mouser -
I will come by this weekend to rescue you. I have given up on Cash. You are the only normal creature in that whole house of horrors and I don't want you to meet a bad end so I will bring you to live in pet Nirvana at our house.
Sincerely,
"Terrified of the violent and sadistic Naylor family; now I have 911 on speed dial" Liz