Last night I spent a nice, relaxing evening with my friend Liz; but not before suffering the trial and tribulation that will henceforth be remembered as, "The KFC Incident".
Liz and I enjoy KFC. We even have a "usual", and while some might consider this to be trashy - I consider it to be pretty classy and basically a life sustaining ritual (akin to breathing or Law & Order watching).
Anyway, we were planning on going out to eat last night, but with the dreary and cold weather we decided that comfort food (in the form of fried chickeny goodness) was just what we needed (that and some Harry Potter).
I drive to KFC on my way to Liz's house and here is a very accurate re-cap of the incident:
I arrive at the drive thru.
Me: Hello, I would like a 3 piece extra crispy meal.
KFC Worker: We've gone through a menu simplification and we are no longer serving extra crispy - only original and grilled.
Me: What?
KFC Worker: Well, we do have extra crispy chicken strips.
Me: Ok, I'll take a 3 piece original meal with double mac n cheese.
KFC Worker: I'm sorry, we've gone through a menu simplification and we are no longer serving mac n cheese - only green beans, cole slaw, mashed potatoes and fries.
Me: Huh? People actually order green beans. OK, I'm going to have to make a phone call - cancel my order for now.
I drive to a parking spot, and shaking with uncontrollable rage -I call Liz. I try to remain calm, but as soon as I break the news - we exchange a series of "What?", "Inconceivable"!, "How is this possible?", "This is the first sign of the Apocalypse", "The terrorists have won." and "This is an international incident." We finally calm down long enough to determine that Liz would like a 3 piece original meal and she'll make her own mac n cheese (our other life sustaining food ritual).
I go back into the drive-thru line.
Me: I would like a 3 piece original meal with french fries (I figure if I don't order any sides - it'll really confuse them).
KFC Worker: OK, we're currently out of chicken thighs, but it'll only be about 2 minutes.
Me (to myself): Really? They've now run out of chicken - it's 6 o'clock on a Friday night and they have NO CHICKEN!
Me: Alright, I'll wait.
I proceed to order my 3 piece meal (with mashed potatoes and coleslaw - thankfully, they still had those things) and drive to a parking spot to wait for them to bring me the food.
Have I mentioned that I'm pregnant, hungry and it's rainy and cold outside?
So I wait in my car . . . and I wait . . . and wait . . . I look at my receipt, quite sure that time has just gone very slowly because I'm so hungry. My receipt says 6:10 and my watch says 6:26!!! I decide that one woman can only take so much injustice in this world and walk (waddle) into KFC.
I calmly (but sternly) place my receipt on the counter and say, "I've been waiting in my car for over 10 minutes. I should not be required to pay for this food." (I stick my stomach out as far as possible for dramatic effect.)
Thankfully (for the KFC worker) - she has the right answer, "I'm so sorry - here is your food and a refund plus a coupon for another box meal on your next visit.".
I say "thank you" and decide that I should probably check the food (I mean, they ran out of freaking chicken - at this point I'm thinking there might just be gruel and a twinkie wrapper in my box meal). Well, wouldn't you know it - NO BISCUITS!! It was just about all I could do to not call in the National Guard (I don't often eat my biscuit - but that's not the point). Poor girl apologized again and got me the biscuits.
By the time I got to Liz's house it was practically my bed time, but we ranted while preparing our plates. Liz had already left a compliant on the KFC website and I think she's started some kind of letter writing campaign. After we finally calmed down and ate our food - we watched some Harry Potter and got comfortable.
My picture of the day for yesterday was taken at Liz's house (and no it's not of our KFC boxes). Her dog (Oliver) and cat (Nigel) were sleeping/relaxing so cutely on her legs. There's nothing like the love of animals to make you almost forget about something as tragic as The KFC Incident (almost).
Liz and I enjoy KFC. We even have a "usual", and while some might consider this to be trashy - I consider it to be pretty classy and basically a life sustaining ritual (akin to breathing or Law & Order watching).
Anyway, we were planning on going out to eat last night, but with the dreary and cold weather we decided that comfort food (in the form of fried chickeny goodness) was just what we needed (that and some Harry Potter).
I drive to KFC on my way to Liz's house and here is a very accurate re-cap of the incident:
I arrive at the drive thru.
Me: Hello, I would like a 3 piece extra crispy meal.
KFC Worker: We've gone through a menu simplification and we are no longer serving extra crispy - only original and grilled.
Me: What?
KFC Worker: Well, we do have extra crispy chicken strips.
Me: Ok, I'll take a 3 piece original meal with double mac n cheese.
KFC Worker: I'm sorry, we've gone through a menu simplification and we are no longer serving mac n cheese - only green beans, cole slaw, mashed potatoes and fries.
Me: Huh? People actually order green beans. OK, I'm going to have to make a phone call - cancel my order for now.
I drive to a parking spot, and shaking with uncontrollable rage -I call Liz. I try to remain calm, but as soon as I break the news - we exchange a series of "What?", "Inconceivable"!, "How is this possible?", "This is the first sign of the Apocalypse", "The terrorists have won." and "This is an international incident." We finally calm down long enough to determine that Liz would like a 3 piece original meal and she'll make her own mac n cheese (our other life sustaining food ritual).
I go back into the drive-thru line.
Me: I would like a 3 piece original meal with french fries (I figure if I don't order any sides - it'll really confuse them).
KFC Worker: OK, we're currently out of chicken thighs, but it'll only be about 2 minutes.
Me (to myself): Really? They've now run out of chicken - it's 6 o'clock on a Friday night and they have NO CHICKEN!
Me: Alright, I'll wait.
I proceed to order my 3 piece meal (with mashed potatoes and coleslaw - thankfully, they still had those things) and drive to a parking spot to wait for them to bring me the food.
Have I mentioned that I'm pregnant, hungry and it's rainy and cold outside?
So I wait in my car . . . and I wait . . . and wait . . . I look at my receipt, quite sure that time has just gone very slowly because I'm so hungry. My receipt says 6:10 and my watch says 6:26!!! I decide that one woman can only take so much injustice in this world and walk (waddle) into KFC.
I calmly (but sternly) place my receipt on the counter and say, "I've been waiting in my car for over 10 minutes. I should not be required to pay for this food." (I stick my stomach out as far as possible for dramatic effect.)
Thankfully (for the KFC worker) - she has the right answer, "I'm so sorry - here is your food and a refund plus a coupon for another box meal on your next visit.".
I say "thank you" and decide that I should probably check the food (I mean, they ran out of freaking chicken - at this point I'm thinking there might just be gruel and a twinkie wrapper in my box meal). Well, wouldn't you know it - NO BISCUITS!! It was just about all I could do to not call in the National Guard (I don't often eat my biscuit - but that's not the point). Poor girl apologized again and got me the biscuits.
By the time I got to Liz's house it was practically my bed time, but we ranted while preparing our plates. Liz had already left a compliant on the KFC website and I think she's started some kind of letter writing campaign. After we finally calmed down and ate our food - we watched some Harry Potter and got comfortable.
My picture of the day for yesterday was taken at Liz's house (and no it's not of our KFC boxes). Her dog (Oliver) and cat (Nigel) were sleeping/relaxing so cutely on her legs. There's nothing like the love of animals to make you almost forget about something as tragic as The KFC Incident (almost).
Mark would like to know if the National Guard would have been to called because of the lack of biscuits in your order or to remove you from the premises had they run out of biscuits like they's run out of chicken earlier.
ReplyDeleteSteph,
ReplyDeleteThis was an excellent post which also touches on some very important security and nutritional issues that are important to all of us.
Clearly terrorists were involved in the plot to remove the extra crispy chicken and the macaroni and cheese from the menu. Are we going to stand idly by and let them ruin American food for us? I say NO. We must fight this kind of food terrorism before things get out of hand and McDonalds stops selling burgers, Rudy's has no smoked sausage, and before Pluckers stops selling wings in favor of fried minnows or something.
I propose to start the fight with a letter writing campaign to Homeland Security, the Department of Defense, the CIA, and the FBI to make sure they know the depth of the security threat against us. I think the Texas Rangers (not the ball club), the Sheriff's Department and all relevant doomsday cults,militiamen, and religous sects be alerted. Now is the time for all of us,whether we be fans of Original Recipie or Extra Crispy, to stand together and revolt against this evil.
But before I can organize a full scale revolution I need some pizza a nap. Will report back when my "Campaign Against Terrorism and For Extra Crispy Chicken" (TM) launches. I may include a YouTube video (directed by Steph if she is up from her nap)and social media campaign as well. It really just depends on how much I can get done before I start to get bored, hungry, or tired. Or before the next Law and Order marathon starts.
Stay tuned for more information.
Liz (aka: the Che Guevara of the Crispy Chicken revolution)
I'm no computer expert (heck, I can't even get a picture of me as a "follower"), but I think someone should intertwine,"The Battle Hymn of the Republic" into Liz's note. Or maybe just have two people read it at a time, one reading out loud and the other singing (even humming would do). Might have to change the tune for the last paragraph, though. ? Brahm's Lullabye.
ReplyDeleteEither way Liz, my bumper has been cleared off for your stickers. PS: Cheryl, that was not pornographic.
Bill
No more KFC for me! Only Church's and Bush's chicken from now on (THEY still have extra crispy AND mac and cheese!)!!!!!
ReplyDelete