The Complaint Department

In a few short minutes Buttin and I will be off to Chicago with Liz & Jonathan and I can't wait!

This morning was extremely hectic, and as such - I was unable to write my usually morning post.

Today, I received my first fan (I use this word loosely) complaint:

Dear Running With Lumpy,

Where are you? Did you get kidnapped while running ? Did you go into a cookie dough coma? Did you join the hobos?

Nope, you're right there - in the office next to mine. I can see you, but for some reason you have yet to post anything today. What could you possibly be doing that is anymore important than writing something for my reading enjoyment? Don't you know that I barely read and your blog is one of the only things that keeps me in practice?

I expect this situation to be corrected immediately or I will be forced to make poop cookies and poop flowers upon your return on Monday.

Kindest regards,
Barbie

Since this is my first complaint, I felt the need to address it immediately.

Dearest Barbie (who is no doubt currently reading TMZ or taking Facebook quizes in Running With Lumpy's absence),

I do apologize for the delay in posting, but as you no doubt observed - this morning was rather hectic. There will probably be no post tomorrow, but I promise to make up for it with double posts on Sunday and Monday. Please do not make poop cookies or poop flowers.

Since you had so many questions for me - I thought it only fair that I got to ask you some questions.

1. Don't you think that I should get the pearl you found in the Catfish Parlour fried oyster? I did buy lunch and the pearl is also my birthstone.
   
2. Have you stopped smoking yet?
   
3. If you get tired of your new hermit crab pets - can we eat them?
4. Do you think it was responsible of you to watch as I ate my own weight in fried shrimp? I think you really should have intervened when you saw me go back for a seventh helping - it's kind of your fault that I feel ill. Kind of the same thing as a bartender who keeps giving a drunk person drinks - doncha think?
   
5. Are you ill from all the envelope licking?
6. How many songs have you sung since I've left?
7. Don't eat my cookie dough (I know that's not a questions . . . maybe - how angry do you think I'll be if you eat my cookie dough?)
8. What have you done with the yellow wedgie shorts from yesterday?
9. Can you please try to make everyone behave tomorrow?
10. Don't you have some work to do?
    

I hope these questions help you to occupy your time during the next day and a half.

Please remember that here at Running With Lumpy, we try to keep our loyal readers (all three of you) very happy.

Hugs and Kisses,
Running With Lumpy
Department of Stupid Complaints