Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I Think My Mom Just Called Me A Bad Word

You know when people say things, like industry terms or acronyms, and they make is sound like you must obviously know what they're talking about? Well - my mom just did this to me.

She told me all about her Yasso 800s - which I assumed was a bad word or some kind of toilet cleaning device.

Apparently, Yasso 800s (as she later explained - after I asked her what in the heck she was talking about) are supposed to be predictors of your marathon time. For example, if you can run 800 meters consistently in 5 minutes - you should be able to do a marathon in about 5 hours. The trick is that you can't just do one 800, you're supposed to do like 10 in a row. Holy sweat rag - isn't that almost as much as running a marathon? The only thing I can do 10 times in a row is cookie dough eating.

Well, from the extensive research (one Google search) I've done - my mom seems to be correct. Here's an article from Runner's World about Yasso 800s. Looks like the term has been around for quite a while, but I'm still getting used to all this running lingo that my mother throws around flipantly.

OK mom - you win. Here's a list of some other awesome running terms and some made up definitions:

Achilles Tendinitis: the Greek God of running injuries.
Blade Runner: a runner who is as skinny as a blade of grass.
Bunions: the mother and father of Paul.
Carbo load: a garbage truck full of bread.
Cross training: training when you are very upset.
Double: completing two workouts in one day; doing a two mile warm up jog followed by a six mile tempo run should count.
Endorphins: friendly little parasites that you usually feel in the middle of a good run.
Fartlek: speed work after a meal of refried beans.
Hamstring: the leash you hook to your pet pig's collar.
Harcormorner: hard core morning runner (that's us!)
Heart rate monitor: an annoying piece of equipment that constantly beeps, usually worn by someone who is etiquette-impaired and running the same pace as you in a race (that's us again!)
Injury: worse than the bubonic plague.
Marathoner: a person who derives great personal satisfaction from an experience very similar to breathing into a plastic bag for about forty minutes.
Negative split: a banana split without the whipped cream, bananas, nuts, or ice cream (very sad).
Pace: preferred salsa of runners worldwide.
Pacer: a runner who brings chips and salsa to the workout (good person).
Path Pounders: trail runners.
Plantar Fascitis: a Latin derivative for doing a face plant on a trail run.
Poison Oak: something one acquires, like endurance and dirty shoes, from doing trail runs.
PR a personal record, a best time at any given distance.
Racing Singlet: a little song or tune performed before each race.
Runner: something bad that happens to your pantyhose rendering them useless for the remainder of the race.
Runner’s log: do not try to run with one of these. It will be painful and could be embarrassing, always deposit them (or bury them if you're on the trail) in the toilet before you start.
Sandbagger: when a very fast runner claims to be tired or injured and starts out In the back of the pack (by choice) only to push and shove their way to the front.
Splits: when one runner divorces another runner.
Sprinting: what you thought you were doing during the last .2 of the marathon and the clock read 4:59:59.
Taper: to cut back one's weekly mileage, before a big race, from, say, 90 miles to 80 miles.
Tempo Run: running to the beat of your favorite song - should be done at least once a week.
Triathlete: an injured or disgruntled runner who has money, a bike, and a pool ...and likes to prance around all day In a Speedo.
Ultramarathoner: a person who derives great personal satisfaction from experiences that include, but are not limited to, oxygen deprivation, motion sickness, dehydration, chafing, blistering, vomiting, cramping, heat stroke, and hypothermia...and preferably all at once.
Wall: as in "the wall". Something you lean against to stretch your calf muscles - especially at the twenty-mile mark.

1 comment:

  1. Not sure what to think about the Triathlete definition.

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