Acting The Part & Postpartum

**Read At Your Own Risk - Post Does Contain Yucky Stuff**

Last night was our 6th and final Hypnobabies class. Kind of sad. Like the end of an era. OK - maybe I'm being a little dramatic, but it does feel weird that six weeks has gone by and now I'm supposed to be "ready"for Lumpy to come - I'm so not ready.

Last night was probably my least favorite class - mostly because we didn't get to do any relaxation exercises. However, I did get my back tickled and that was awesome. We spent half the class doing a birth rehearsal where I got into various positions (birth ball, laying down, hands and knees, etc.) and practiced hypnosis while in a pretend birthing wave. During my pretend birthing wave, Buttin or Doula would tickle my back or push on pressure points. Some of these were very strange pressure points, like my butt bone - who woulda thought? Then I got into pushing positions and pretended to push using the "ahhh" breathing technique. Honestly, I felt kind of silly. I'm not very good with people just starring at me while I pretend to do something - guess I wouldn't have made a very good actress.

The second half of class was spent discussing all of the crappy postpartum stuff, which sounds about a million times worse than anything that could possibly happen during birth. Here are just a few choice things I can look forward to:

• Lochia - vaginal discharge that's caused by the uterus shedding blood and tissue. This can last for up to SIX WEEKS - Yuck!
• Perineum soreness - As treatment, I might have to sit on one of those doughnut pillows.
  
• Constipation - Fun!
• Hemorrhoids - Double Fun!
• Night sweats - sounds like fun in the summer, in Texas.
• Swelling - oh swell!
• Postpartum depression - not good.
  

I wonder if all this potentially bad stuff happens after birth because your body figures - hey, you have a sweet little baby and that sweet little baby cancels out all the bad stuff and you won't really think about it because you're loving your baby. Lumpy, you'd better be one sweet little baby!

We also spent a good 20 minutes talking about breastfeeding (and all the things that can go wrong and right). I'm very pro-breastfeeding and I hope it works out, but I'm not going to beat myself up about it. My real goal is to be able to start pumping within a month or so after Lumpy's arrival so that Buttin (and grandmas) can help feed.

All in all, I've really enjoyed Hypnobabies. I know that I have lots of practicing to do in the next few weeks and honestly I think having my doula over every week kept me honest. I'm going to miss seeing her EVERY week, but it's now up to me and Buttin to practice, practice, practice!

Sometime during the last couple weeks of March, we'll see Doula again when she comes back to our house for our final pre-birth meeting. I'm OK with time taking its sweet time - right now, I'm in no hurry for March.