Monday, February 1, 2010

Quidditch Beats Fast Baseball

. . . And other reasons why Harry Potter is so much cooler/better/awesomer than Twilight.

A while back I wrote about how I was going to listen to Twilight (while running and now jog waddling) and refrain from sharing any gripes about Twilight until after reading (err. . . listening) to the book. Well, I have FINALLY finished.

Instead of doing just a quick thirty-second cookie review, I thought I'd provide some reasons why Harry Potter (the novel, the character, the everything) is far superior (not even in the same freaking league) to Twilight.

Extra-curricular activities:
  • Harry Potter: Awesome Quidditch
  • Twilight: Very fast baseball - I guess vampires (who have been alive for almost century) can only manage to play a slightly faster game of a relatively boring human sport.
Female role model:
  • Harry Potter: Hermione is strong, driven, independent and super-smart.
  • Twilight: Bella is not.
  • Harry Potter: Hermione is intelligent, but she also work hard at school.
  • Twilight: Bella seems to know the answers to questions because she already took the class at her old school, but she doesn't seem to take her school work very seriously nor does she seem particularly smart.
  • Harry Potter: Hermione can take care of herself.
  • Twilight: Bella always needs a man (or vampire man) to save her.
  • Harry Potter: No shortage of female role models - including Hermione, Professor McGonogal, Lily Potter, Mrs. Weasley, etc.
  • Twilight: No female role model.
Themes:
  • Harry Potter: A mother's love conquers all saves Harry from an evil touch in the first book.
  • Twilight: Women need to be rescued.
  • Harry Potter: Good friends make you better.
  • Twilight: Friends are nuisances and should be lied to.
  • Harry Potter: True romantic love takes time to develop.
  • Twilight: Falling in love happens over the course of five minutes.
  • Harry Potter: Dangerous people are bad.
  • Twilight: Only dangerous men are good for you.
  • Harry Potter: Education is very important.
  • Twilight: Teenage drama is the most important.
Climax:
  • Harry Potter: Show down with an icky-looking Voldemort face coming out of the head of another professor.
  • Twilight: Bella is unconscious during most of the climax and since the book is written in first person, we don't really know what happens.
Conclusion:
  • Harry Potter: Harry has a long conversation with Professor Dumbledore to explain recent events.
  • Twilight: Bella is in the hospital (again, having been rescued by a vampire man) and exchanges many "I luv yous" with Edward. Oh, and then she goes to prom.
If I had to give Twilight a number of cookies - I'd say ONE COOKIE.

It's not particularly well-written and I have no idea why any female over the age of 13 would find enjoyment in the story. Needless to say, I will not be reading the next book. I gave it a fair shot, really I did. Lumpy has the full collection of Harry Potter books ready to go, but I will not be purchasing the Twilight Saga.

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