How Are You Feeling?

This is a common question that I get right now, and I'm always more than happy to answer it.

I'm enjoying all this attention because I know in a few short months all that attention will be focused on someone else (that'll be OK too, I guess).

Right now, I'm feeling really good. No real morning sickness or nausea. My only symptoms are increased appetite, bloating and fatigue (Liz would say this is a permanent state of being for me and not just a symptom of pregnancy).

Actually, I was feeling a little nervous about my lack of symptoms. I visit expectant mother message boards, and this can be a sad place to spend time. I've actually had to stop reading many of the boards because this is typically the time during pregnancy when miscarriages happen. Until I knew there was a heart beat (last week), I was quite nervous that I wasn't throwing up. Well, I've learned that too much information (especially information coming from other naive expectant moms like me) can be dangerous and often wrong.

Buttin and I got to hear the heart beat this morning at our very first doctor's appointment. This was my very first time meeting the doctor (Dr. Barbour - makes me think of Babar the elephant, so that's what I'll call him). I think he (like Buttin) is a strong calm compliment to my often high-strung, control-freak personality. He's very relaxed and gentle (which all women can appreciate).

I already showed my bossy side (which is good that he sees now) when I told him he was wrong about pregnant mothers needing to stay at or below a heart rate of 140 during exercise. I told him to go on the interweb (ACOG) and check it out. Doesn't he know that everything on the internet is true? He was very happy that I was already exercising, so that's a positive. He's also happy that my marathon approach is very relaxed and that if I'm not feeling good - I will not push it.

Aside for hearing Lumpy's heart beat, the visit with Dr. Elephant was relatively uneventful, but then we met with his nurse and that's where things get exciting. We got about a million samples of prenatal vitamins and this packet of information. (Hold on it's getting exciting) On one particular page in this packet, there is a list of dos and don'ts. One of the items on the "don't" list is artificial sweeteners (saccharine), but then right next to it, it says "SPLENDA OK". At that moment, I fell in love with Dr. Elephant.

After we finished up with the nurse, I went and got half of my blood volume drawn for a variety of tests. I should probably get used to all the poking, picking and prodding.

As our reward for an excellent first doctor's appointment, Buttin bought Lumpy & I some fried cheese for breakfast . . .yum.

Our next appointment is September 28th.

Thirty Second Movie Review - The Final Destination 3D

The Final Destination - 3D

It is what it is - that's all I can really say. Horrible acting and laughable dialogue gets you from one semi-clever death sequence to the next.

This One Says Yes Too!

** Originally written on 7/27/09 @ 9:05 AM***

This morning I woke up not feeling lazy and tired. I'm supposed to start my period tomorrow so I made a deal with myself. If I took a preggers test and if it was positive, I could go back to sleep. Seems fair, right? "I can't run, I'm pregnant."

I took the cheapo test that I had under my cabinet and I got two lines (translation: pregnant). One line was very defined and the other was faint, but the directions clearly said that any second line means pregnant.

Well, this got me excited - so I didn't want to go back to sleep. I can't say that I really wanted to run, but poor Buttin was passed out on the bed (it was only 5:15 AM & I didn't want to wake him yet). I went for a 7 mile run the whole time thinking not to get too excited. I've read that half of all first pregnancies end in miscarriage and that a positive result doesn't mean 100% pregnant - it could just be a chemical pregnancy.

When I got home from my sweaty run, I woke Buttin up and asked him to go to Walgreens and get a brand name test (the first one I took was a generic flimsy thing, the equivalent of a q-tip). As I had just spent the last hour and a half sweating out any liquid in my body, I had to wait a while (and drink possibly my last coffee with Splenda for a while) to take the test. This one was cool - it actually says "Pregnant" or "Not Pregnant". I figured there be no room for "pale line" interpretation. After about two minutes, I got the "Pregnant". I couldn't stop smiling.

I texted Buttin and told him we coudln't tell anyone until I went to the doctor to confirm it. Tomorrow I'm going to my regular doctor to get a blood test. I have no idea how long the results take; however, if I do or don't get my period tomorrow - I guess that's a sign. If this little Lumpy sticks - I'm around 3 weeks pregnant and according to Baby Center the due date is April 6, 2010.

Marathon Training - Weekly Update

I still plan on running the marathon with Lumpy. I should be around 20 weeks by November 15th.

I probably will not be very fast (but that wasn't going to be an issue even without Lumpy), but I'm still really looking forward to it. The training isn't always fun, especially in August - but here's what I did this week:

This Week: 8/24 - 8/30

Total Miles Completed: 32.53

Average Pace : I got a little faster (around 12:33 min/mile)

112 Random Things About Me

This is post number 112 . . . In honor of this number, I now present: 112 random things about me:

1. I was born in Elgin, Illinois - but if people ask, I just say Chicago.
   
2. I grew up in Tomball, Texas - but if people ask, I just say Houston.
   
3. I went to all girls private Catholic high school and, to this day, it was the most challenging academic experience of my life.
4. The award I got my senior year from my fellow classmates, was "Best Dieter" - pretty lame. I can't believe that's the impression I gave. I also got "Best Hugger", which I think is much better.
   
5. I majored in journalism in college (at UT), but never really did anything with that degree.
6. I didn't really want to go to UT (I wanted to go to FSU when I was 17), but I'm so happy that I went to UT.
   
7. I'm very bossy - but if you ask my dear sweet husband he'll say I'm not.
8. I need to work on being more patient, but (I believe) I am kind, generous and thoughtful to most.
9. I'm most impatient with myself.
10. My husband's name is Matt, but I call him Buttin.
    
11. I pretty much have a nickname for everyone. After I give a nickname, I very rarely use their real name. Even our dogs and cats have nicknames.
12. Some of the nicknames that people have for me are BG, Joe, Fifi and Belle.
    
13. No one makes me laugh like Buttin - I love to laugh.
    
14. Buttin and I own a small business in Austin, Texas - Carpet Warehouse/Flooring Warehouse.
15. We bought the business from my aunt and uncle.
16. Never in a million years would I have guessed that I'd be doing what I do now for a living - but I honestly never had a strong feeling about any one career. There was a time when I was going to be the next Katie Couric (The Today Show version, not the CBS Evening News version)
    
17. We have four animals - two dogs (Molly and Cartman) and two cats (Mouser and Scratch).
18. I know I shouldn't have favorite pets, but I do.
    
19. We're expecting our first child in the spring, we call him/her Lumpy.
20. My wedding ring is a sapphire, that's my favorite precious stone. (Although, I'm really hoping that Lumpy is born in April, so that I can have a diamond push present . . not so subtle hint to Buttin)
    
21. We met while working at New Horizons - the worst job I've ever had (and that includes Taco Bell).
    
22. The best job I've ever had is what I'm doing currently, although some days it's also the worst.
23. My dream job is to write children's books. I've started a few and maybe I'll post them on the blog someday.
    
24. I started running about a year ago as something to do with my mother - even though we only really run together in races.
    
25. My mother is one of my best friends - my others are Shannon, Liz & Jen.
26. I have many acquaintances, but I'm close to very few people.
27. The people I'm close to all have an excellent sense of humor - this along with empathy and intelligence, are must haves in a friend of mine.
    
28. I'm a very slow runner, but I look forward to it and like the peace it gives me.
    
29. Running has really cut into my nap time - I really enjoy taking naps.
30. For most of my life, I was a swimmer. Now swimming is very frustrating because I remember what I used to be able to do - at least with running, I'm still in the improving phase.
    
31. Socially - I'm liberal.
32. Fiscally - I'm a little confused - I'm torn between wanting everyone to have everything they need and wanting to motivate and reward people who work hard. I don't think it's too much to ask that people's basic needs (including health care) are at least met by our government, if they are unable to provide it for themselves. I'm a Social Capitalist.
    
33. I happily voted for Barack Obama.
34. I'm not too involved in politics, but there are a few issues that really press my buttons.
35. Two of the issues are education & health care.
    
36. I am spiritual, but I do not support any organized religion.
    
37. In fact, I have very strong beliefs that the man-made nature of organized religion makes people less accepting and loving of others.
38. I hate hypocrites, although I know I can be hypocritical. I know I shouldn't enjoy it when people get their comeuppance, but I do.
    
39. I also strongly dislike fakers and people who take themselves too seriously.
40. My favorite type of humor is the self-deprecating kind.
    
41. I love Christmas, but like I said before I'm bossy - so Buttin calls me Christmas Hitler.
42. Even though I love Christmas, when the days get shorter I get a little SAD.
43. My next favorite holiday after Christmas, is Halloween.
    
44. One of my favorite things to do at Christmas time is to make cookies with my grandma (Bubie).
45. I love cookie dough.
46. Sometimes I eat more cookie dough than actually bake cookies. I like pretty much all dessert items raw - brownie mix, cake batter, crumble topping . . .
    
47. I actually still have some Christmas decorations around my house (it's August, almost September).
    
48. I love movies - some of my favorites of last year (2008) include - "Happy Go Lucky", "Dear Zachary", "Rachel Getting Married", "Wall-E" and "The Dark Knight".
49. Some of my favorites from this year include "District 9", "Up", "Hurt Locker" and "Inglorious Bastards".
    
50. I love television - some of my favorites include - "The Wire", "Pushing Daisies", "Lost", "Law & Order: SVU", "30 Rock" and "How I Met Your Mother". Although, my DVR records a TON more.
51. I don't watch a bunch of reality TV, but I do enjoy "So You Think You Can Dance", "American Idol" and some of the Real Housewives shows.
52. I also love watching true crime shows & movies. Some of my favorites are about people who are wrongly accused & imprisoned. One of the best movies on this subject is "Murder on a Sunday Morning".
    
53. I love to play video games, but I love to watch them more.
54. I love first person shooter games, which kind of conflicts with my feelings on gun control.
    
55. I am addicted to Bejeweled Twist and I used to play all the time at work, now I write new blog posts with my free time.
    
56. I wish I had more time to read (I would if I didn't fall asleep half way into the first page), but I do listen to a lot of books on tape while I run. Currently I'm listening to "The Story of Edgar Sawtelle".
    
57. I also listen to pod casts while I run - some of my favorites are "This American Life", "Fresh Air" and "Common Sense".
58. I also read a bunch of junky celebrity websites - like Tyler Durden and The Superficial.
59. I've never really been that in to music, but Buttin is, and he introduces me to lots of good stuff.
60. I'm an only child, but I have a bunch of half and step brothers and sisters.
61. I wish I was closer to my half sisters - Emily and Becky.
62. I really want daughters.
63. I do not keep a very clean house, but I at least make sure any poop is picked up.
64. I love college football, but don't really care about the NFL.
65. I used to have some body image issues (don't most college girls?), but I enjoy food and have learned just not to care so much about gaining or loosing a couple pounds.
66. I live by the rule of everything in moderation, this applies to food and most everything else in my life.
    
67. I get stressed pretty easily (I wish I could try to apply #65 to stress).
    
68. I am a control freak, but I'm working on it.
69. I'm a dork and I do lots of stupid, silly things out in public.
    
70. I enjoy cooking, but love baking. When doing both, I often don't follow a recipe so the results are sometimes inconsistent.
    
71. I love roller coasters and scary movies, but close my eyes most of the time during both.
72. I love to dance around my house, at work and in the car - it's shocking to most people, but I've never taken lessons.
73. My favorite music to dance to is Britney Spears (this is not an example of the music from #59.)
    
74. I love taking pictures - sometimes to the annoyance of friends. I love pictures of people when they're not looking and I'm sure one day I'll embarrass the crap out of our children.
75. I'm conflict averse, but once dumped a neighbor's trash into their front yard after they put all their trash into our trash can. This neighbor admitted to us that he had shot his best friend for sleeping with his wife.
    
76. I wish I wasn't so defensive.
77. I cry when I get angry.
    
78. Most of my adult life I've lived in Austin, Texas (although I did live in Dallas for 3 years).
79. I love Austin and couldn't imagine living anywhere else.
    
80. I also lived for a short time in Ithaca, New York - when I was 22. If anyone thinks Austin is liberal, they should try Ithaca. I liked it!
    
81. I got Molly from Canada when I lived there.
82. Also while I was in New York, I tumbled 100 feet down a 300 foot hill/cliff and spent 10 days in the hospital with a punctured lung, broken ribs and compression fracture in my back.
83. What I remember most about the experience are the funny things that happened while in the hospital. As an example, one of the nurses' aides spilled a gigantic container of my #1 & #2 all over the wall in my room.
84. As juvenile as it it, I love bathroom humor.
85. I'm a homebody - travel is fun, but nothing beats staying at home with Buttin and a good movie (or even a bad movie).
86. I used to think I was an extrovert, but think I'm actually an introvert. I re-energize by myself, which is usually while running or watching TV.
87. In high school my Myers-Briggs type indicator was ENFP, but I have no idea what I am now.
    
88. I'm kind of an amateur continuity expert when it comes to movies and TV. I love finding things that are different from scene to scene.
    
89. I've never been to Europe (or South America or Africa or Asia), but would like to go one day.
90. I've also never been on a cruise, but would also like to do that someday.
    
91. I love Walt Disney World. The last time I was there was in September 08 for a week with my mom, grandma and aunt.
92. My mom and I are going to try to do the Disney Marathon one day, but we might just play music from the movie "Enchanted" and run around the neighborhood.
    
93. I love skin care products & used to be a make up artist.
94. I love candles.
95. I love Harry Potter & wish I could go to Hogwarts.
    
96. My favorite book is To Kill A Mockingbird. If they ever try to remake the film - I will spit nickles - Gregory Peck is and always will be Atticus Finch.
    
97. My favorite summer drink is a mojito and my favorite winter drink is red wine.
98. I'm a Gemini and pretty much true to the description, but I've never had my fortune read.
99. I have more than a slight addiction to Splenda.
100. I drink a gallon of iced tea a day and use way too many Splendas to admit.
     
101. I don't really use bad words - but I do say - crap, ass and poop a lot (goes back to # 79). For example, I hate pseudo intellectual ass crap.
     
102. I make up words and combine words in a weird way. For example, a pufatufnik is a crack whore (this definition was actually co-created by my friend, Liz).
     
103. I'm a horrible speller. I'm sure there are plenty of examples in this post.
     
104. My favorite board games are Balderdash and Scategories. I think that my skill in word making-uping helps.
     
105. Frequently, I eat cereal for dinner.
106. I hate beans, peas or any kind of legume. Actually, anything with a squishy inside. Buttin has actually chased me around the house with a bean. I ran away from it like it was a cockroach. Cockroaches are about the only thing I hate more than beans.
     
107. When I'm feeling the need to make something - I paint. I'm not very good at it, but it makes me feel productive.
108. I'm frugal, but I have a few splurges like nice meals (sushi) and skin care products.
109. I crack my knuckles constantly. I crack Buttin's knuckles too.
110. I don't have a particular style - unless t-shirts and flip-flops count.
111. I don't remember what my real hair color looks like, but sometimes it's blonde and sometimes it's red and it's also everywhere in between.
112. The first 80 or so things on this list came to me pretty quickly, but I've actually been working on this list since June (just as an example, #19 used to read "We call our yet to be conceived child, Lumpy)

I'll be very surprised if anyone (besides my mother) finishes this list :)

Lumpy Is Coming!

Well, now I really am Running With Lumpy!

We've been trying to keep quite about it since we first found out (around 7/27). It's been a somewhat successful secret (except we've told our families and close friends) I've actually written quite a few blog posts during the last month about all the little early pregnancy adventures. I'll slowly start to post them next week and mix them in with some new stuff too!

Food Porn

One of my favorite TV channels to watch is the Food Network.

It all started many years ago when I had a hiking accident and would get nightmares. I would sleep with the television on so that I wasn't in the dark with my thoughts. I found that the Food Network was one of the only channels I could constantly have on where I wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night to something disturbing (unless you think Rachel Ray is disturbing).

Buttin didn't love the Food Network at first, but like any good husband, he would turn the Food Network on when I came into the living room. Slowly, the Food Network began to grow on him, but only certain shows.

Buttin and I try to be good about what we eat, but we have two different philosophies. Mine is "everything in moderation", so I will eat one or two cookies (mostly in dough form) with my half a sandwich. On the other hand, Buttin has two philosophies; "quantity, not quality" and "all the sugar, none of the fat". So, he can eat a pound (I'm not kidding) of plain white rice with grilled white meat chicken followed by a 32 oz Dr. Pepper and a loaf of bread.

Since we have somewhat different eating philosophies, it stands to reason that we would like different Food Network shows. The shows I tend to enjoy are cooking shows with regular portions and the shows Buttin enjoys are what I like to call "Food Porn".

One of his favorites (and I enjoy it too) is called "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives". In this show the host travels around the country in search of the best (as the title implies) diners, drive-ins and dives. Buttin loves this show - this is the only Food Network show he will record. He then sits and ogles at the screen (as though a teenager watching porn) and makes little cooing noises. Buttin rarely enjoys any kind of real food (at least nothing I would eat), so I think he lives his food fantacies thru this show.

Buttin also indulges in other types of food porn. One of his favorite new websites (that I always catch him on) is called "This is why you're fat." I think he secretly dreams about this food. I guess some husbands dream about Megan Fox, mine dreams about oreo lasagna. Let's face it - Megan Fox, I could compete with (chuckle, chuckle) - I have no chance against oreo lasagna.

Four Months Till Christmas

Christmas is now only four months away.

I believe I've mentioned it before, but I'll say it again - I LOVE CHRISTMAS.

Pretty much from the very first cold snap (sometime in October, but this year I'm hoping for late August) - I'm playing Christmas music, decorating for Christmas, making Christmas food and spreading Christmas cheer.

The above picture is from my attempt to make a cute Christmas card last year with all our fur babies. As you might imagine; I have LOTS of outtakes. Doesn't Mouser look happy to be surrounded by a bunch of bows?

Not sure what I'll do for this year's card - our friend's Liz & Jonathan always have great Christmas card ideas - in fact, I think they already have theirs done for this year. Such showoffs!

The Construction & A Brief Tour

I spend a great deal of time talking about work and the misfits.

So, I thought I should proved some photographic evidence of the splendor that is Carpet Warehouse.

I completely forgot to mention, but during the last couple of weeks - they've been knocking down all the buildings in front of ours. I didn't take a "before" picture, but here is an artist's rendering of what it looked like from our building before they started tearing everything down.I know you're thinking this MUST be a magical place - because we have unicorns, dragons and puppies. Sadly all these creatures moved when their aluminum siding habitat was torn down.

Here's the AFTER:

Buttin jealously drives by the equipment every morning and wants to play demolition. Thankfully, they know that he can barely drive a forklift so there's no real threat of Buttin getting on a bobcat.

Now we move to the inside, well first - the stairs leading to our entrance:
Looks safe, right? These stairs have to be rebuilt about once every six months. This set is relatively new - they only wobble enough to almost make you fall. In a couple of months, two of the steps will be broken and there will be a beer bottle propping up one of the sides.

Here is the inside of the office (the warehouse is really just rolls and rolls of carpet, but I can take pictures of that if you'd like - whatever my three fans want):Buttin sits behind where I'm standing for this picture - here's Buttin:

Doesn't he look happy? He's actually disappointed that the construction people will not let him do demolition on the other buildings.

Now, for the best part of the tour - the bathroom. I've never been to prison, but I'm pretty sure prison bathrooms are legally required to look better than this one. Keep in mind, this is the girl's bathroom (there's a much more disgusting one outside, where apparently people wipe their butt and then throw their toilet paper in the trash can).Here is a hole that appears in the wall near the bathroom floor. There's also some dangerous looking insulation that I'm afraid to touch.

So there you have a brief (although I hope exciting) photo tour of Carpet Warehouse.

Marathon Training - Weekly Update

This Week: 8/17 - 8/23

Total Miles Completed: 31.55

Average Pace : Still very slow (around 12:43 min/mile)

Besides the pace, a very successful week. I've started to add a fourth run to my routine - a Friday tempo run. I went about 4 miles and wanted to go at least a minute per mile faster than my 8 mile runs - I did 10:30 min/miles. You can run a lot faster when you're not carrying a fanny pack, wash cloth and 8 miles of sweat.

I also did four Yasso 800s during my Wednesday run; 5:08, 4:30, 4:40 & 4:35. I won't be breaking any records (unless it's for most cookie dough consumed after a run), but I would be extremely happy if I completed the marathon in 5 hours.

During my long run this week (13.5 miles - which is the furthest I've gone in a long time), I managed to get the WORST inner thigh rubby rashy thing. I usually do not get them when I wear my running skirt, so I didn't put on the appropriate lube, but I was in so much pain after my shower. Thankfully, it's turned into this beautiful scab this morning and doesn't hurt nearly as much. I think before the marathon, I'll just take a dip in some body glide.

Thirty Second Movie Review - Inglorious Bastards

Inglorious Bastards

Awesomely hilarious, stylized, violent, make believe story. Loved every part of this movie and only had to look away a little during a couple parts. One of my favorite Brad Pitt roles ever and he wasn't too bad to look at either - even with the silly little mustache. One of the top five movies of the year (so far).

Thirty Second Movie Review - The Goods

The Goods

Not AS GOOD as The Hangover, but still laugh out loud funny. This is a not afraid to offend everyone and anyone comedy and I enjoyed almost every minute.

Girls' Day Out!

When Buttin and I became small business owners, I started the girls' lunch & afternoon off tradition.

All the girls that work in the office (there are three of us) are pretty much tied to our desks everyday because we have to answer phones (amongst many other things). The boys can pretty much come and go as they please because they know that we'll be here to answer the phones. This gives them the freedom to go out and sell (awesome carpet) or as they sometimes like to do, go to Bonedaddy's (a bar, with oddly dressed women).

Well - it's been a very busy summer. The last time we had a girls' lunch was in April! August is typically our busiest month of the year - but I think we all really need a little time away and a yummy lunch. So, today - we're going to Roaring Fork and then I'm probably going home to take a nap.

It's Fun, But It's Poison

Gossip.

Starting today I'm going to try to gossip less. I won't be able to completely cut it out because it is fun, but I realize that it is also poison - especially in a working environment - double especially for our island of misfit toys.

I hope that my example will help our misfits to curb their love of gossip. It is a well known scientific fact that misfits love to gossip. They will (and they read this blog, so I'm being honest) gossip about other misfits' mood, personal life, grooming habits, eating habits, smell, sound, clothing (or lack thereof) - nothing is off limits.

We are a very small office, so things get around quickly. Telling someone to keep something a secret is like code for "go now and tell EVERYONE". It's often frustrating, but it's how our little dysfunctional misfit family works.

My real wish is that misfits would stop spreading rumors and would stop poking at each other with gossip that's been through the telephone game line about sixteen hundred times. It's amazing - what ends up as "Barbie threw up fish tacos and then took a nap on the floor" is really, "Barbie is invoicing".

In (dis)honor of gossip - I've written this little poem (I must say, it's one of my best):

Ode to Gossip

Gossip is bad;
it makes other misfits sad.

Don't be a meanie;
Gossip is for weenies.

Michael Vick's Punishment

Michael Vick has apologized . . . blah, blah, blah. He's returning to the NFL to make bazillions of dollars. He should donate most of this money to animal welfare organizations and then a little to me because I've had to listen to all the coverage of his deplorable behavior and lame apologies. I wonder how many times I'll roll my eyes when I see his "Be Nice To Dogs" PSAs that will no doubt start appearing on TV any day now.

So maybe he is REALLY, REALLY sorry . . . only time will tell. Maybe we should forgive him (after all he certainly is a fun player to watch). Ironically, the creatures he harmed would be the first to forgive him - dogs are the best example of forgiveness on the planet.

Thankfully, I never witnessed dog abuse - although I was close. One evening (a couple years ago) my friend Liz & I were at an outdoor bar. There were a couple people next to us with two pit bulls. Liz & I (both being dog lovers) instantly wanted show the dogs love. When we got closer, we realized that even though they dogs were somewhat friendly - they were also skittish and had very obvious and open wounds. We asked (very politely and naively) what happened to their dogs, and the owners told us some cock and bull story about the dogs jumping over barbed fences and fighting dragons or some other nonsense. I don't think Liz & I realized what we had just seen until we returned to our drinking husbands. The thought of those two dogs still gives me the chills.

I really do hope that Michael Vick never, ever does anything even close to harming a dog again, but if he does - here is my punishment plan:

1. Take all his money away (and give it to animal charities)
2. Throw him in prison, forever.
3. Tie him down to the cold floor and allow Cartman to lick him continuously with his pee, barf and cat poop breath; and
4. Allow people to walk by and taunt him and poke him with sticks.

I'm sure there's worse - so let's call this Phase I.

For now, I'm going to think nice, forgiving thoughts about Michael Vick. Hopefully, he's learned his lesson and will just stick to playing football for a team I care nothing about.

I Think My Mom Just Called Me A Bad Word

You know when people say things, like industry terms or acronyms, and they make is sound like you must obviously know what they're talking about? Well - my mom just did this to me.

She told me all about her Yasso 800s - which I assumed was a bad word or some kind of toilet cleaning device.

Apparently, Yasso 800s (as she later explained - after I asked her what in the heck she was talking about) are supposed to be predictors of your marathon time. For example, if you can run 800 meters consistently in 5 minutes - you should be able to do a marathon in about 5 hours. The trick is that you can't just do one 800, you're supposed to do like 10 in a row. Holy sweat rag - isn't that almost as much as running a marathon? The only thing I can do 10 times in a row is cookie dough eating.

Well, from the extensive research (one Google search) I've done - my mom seems to be correct. Here's an article from Runner's World about Yasso 800s. Looks like the term has been around for quite a while, but I'm still getting used to all this running lingo that my mother throws around flipantly.

OK mom - you win. Here's a list of some other awesome running terms and some made up definitions:

Achilles Tendinitis: the Greek God of running injuries.
Blade Runner: a runner who is as skinny as a blade of grass.
Bunions: the mother and father of Paul.
Carbo load: a garbage truck full of bread.
Cross training: training when you are very upset.
Double: completing two workouts in one day; doing a two mile warm up jog followed by a six mile tempo run should count.
Endorphins: friendly little parasites that you usually feel in the middle of a good run.
Fartlek: speed work after a meal of refried beans.
Hamstring: the leash you hook to your pet pig's collar.
Harcormorner: hard core morning runner (that's us!)
Heart rate monitor: an annoying piece of equipment that constantly beeps, usually worn by someone who is etiquette-impaired and running the same pace as you in a race (that's us again!)
Injury: worse than the bubonic plague.
Marathoner: a person who derives great personal satisfaction from an experience very similar to breathing into a plastic bag for about forty minutes.
Negative split: a banana split without the whipped cream, bananas, nuts, or ice cream (very sad).
Pace: preferred salsa of runners worldwide.
Pacer: a runner who brings chips and salsa to the workout (good person).
Path Pounders: trail runners.
Plantar Fascitis: a Latin derivative for doing a face plant on a trail run.
Poison Oak: something one acquires, like endurance and dirty shoes, from doing trail runs.
PR a personal record, a best time at any given distance.
Racing Singlet: a little song or tune performed before each race.
Runner: something bad that happens to your pantyhose rendering them useless for the remainder of the race.
Runner’s log: do not try to run with one of these. It will be painful and could be embarrassing, always deposit them (or bury them if you're on the trail) in the toilet before you start.
Sandbagger: when a very fast runner claims to be tired or injured and starts out In the back of the pack (by choice) only to push and shove their way to the front.
Splits: when one runner divorces another runner.
Sprinting: what you thought you were doing during the last .2 of the marathon and the clock read 4:59:59.
Taper: to cut back one's weekly mileage, before a big race, from, say, 90 miles to 80 miles.
Tempo Run: running to the beat of your favorite song - should be done at least once a week.
Triathlete: an injured or disgruntled runner who has money, a bike, and a pool ...and likes to prance around all day In a Speedo.
Ultramarathoner: a person who derives great personal satisfaction from experiences that include, but are not limited to, oxygen deprivation, motion sickness, dehydration, chafing, blistering, vomiting, cramping, heat stroke, and hypothermia...and preferably all at once.
Wall: as in "the wall". Something you lean against to stretch your calf muscles - especially at the twenty-mile mark.

Yeah - My Sweat Evaporated!

Last Friday morning, I ran on Lake Shore Drive in Chicago (here's all the details). I just love that I now have a running map that's in Chicago - so cool!

This one little 6 mile jog renewed my excitement for running. It's been so long since I've run without drenching my clothes while fighting to keep my heart rate below 170 and my pace faster than 13 min/miles.

In Chicago, the temperature was in the low 70s, with little humidity. My sweat actually EVAPORATED and it cooled my body (which I've heard is the purpose of sweat). I also couldn't get my heart rate above 140 and my pace was around 11:30 min/mile. I was like a new person/runner.

I ran without my ipod and just enjoyed the scenery - the other runners, bikers (who have no issues running you over) swimmers and roller bladders; the vendors setting up for the air and water show and all the boats. I ran from our hotel (the Ambassador East) down to the Field Museum and back & it was beautiful.

Even though I was back to the disgusting heat and humidity for my run this morning - I know that it will get better. I really do think my mom and I will be able to complete our first marathon with little or no cheating. I don't think I could do a marathon in August, in Texas - but all this training in the heat and humidity is making my heart very strong.

Here is my weekly summary.

This Week: 8/10 - 8/16

Total Miles: 25.29

Average Pace: 12:12 (thanks to my speedier than usual run in Chicago)

Chicago - The Highlights!

Buttin & I returned from Chicago earlier today - what a fun, amazing trip. Our friends Liz & Jonathan really know how to show us a good time (they used to live there)!

Here are some highlights:

We arrived in Chicago on Thursday evening around 7:30. Thankfully our flight was on time and our ride to the hotel was waiting for us.

Thursday night we had a very yummy dinner at Pequod's Pizza. I wasn't feeling so good and I wish I could have eaten more. I know that I'm going to start craving Pequod's any day now.

After dinner, we all just went back to the hotel to relax for the night (it was 10:30 by the time we were finished with dinner, WAY past my normal bedtime).

Friday morning I woke up around 6:30 and went for the most wonderful run on Lake Shore Drive (more on this during another post). Liz went to the dentist (apparently - she really loves her dentist) and the boys got a hot shave. After my run, before the boys got a shave, I met them for a quick ride up the Hancock building for a beautiful view of Chicago.I then met Liz for a wonderful breakfast at the Original Pancake House. Yummy omelets and pancakes.

The four of us then headed to Murphy's for a pre-game drink (or seven).
We then went to the Cubs game & the Cubs won - HUGE (I like to think I had something to do with it)! The Blue Angels also buzzed Wrigley Field about 10 times (the air & water show was on Saturday & Sunday, so they were practicing.) It was AWESOME!!
After many, many beers (water for me), a bratwurst and the seventh inning stretch (with "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" sung by Jeremy Piven) - we headed to Yak-Zies for some wings and more beer (again, water for me). After Yak-Zies we headed to a couple more bars (even got taken by a rickshaw) to one place.

At about 5:30 - Liz & I headed back to the hotel. We were both exhausted. The boys eventually got back to the hotel around 7:30. They both passed out in bed. We all ended up staying in for the night and ordering room service.

Saturday morning, Liz and I woke up, ate breakfast and headed to the Shedd Aquarium for our Beluga Encounter. Here's the two of us in these incredibly uncomfortable waders that we had to wear.
They didn't allow us to take pictures during our Beluga encounter, but they took some and I purchased them (need to scan) for sharing later. It was an amazing encounter and I kissed a girl (beluga whale)!

After the beluga whale encounter we met the guys at McFadden's for a quick lunch (yummy grilled cheese and clam chowder) and drinks. Liz headed back to the hotel and the boys and I headed to the beach to watch the air and water show. I only stayed for 45 minutes and then headed back to the hotel for a much needed nap.

At 6:30 - we headed to Cafe Iberico for Jonathan's birthday dinner. Several of L & J's Chicago friends met us for dinner.The food was amazing.

After dinner, I headed back to the hotel while Liz, Jonathan and Buttin went out for a couple more drinks.

This morning, we all got on our plane and headed back to Austin. I think we're going to plan a yearly trip to Chicago - there are just so many things to do. Sadly, we missed the Harry Potter exhibit at the Field Museum, but maybe it'll be back next year too!

Thanks L&J for a fabulous weekend!!

Thirty Second Movie Review - District 9

District 9

Best movie of the year - so far! This movie has everything - I laughed, I cried, I cheered and cringed. The movie is an extremely well-made action/sci-fi thriller, but a warning - it is very violent.

The Complaint Department

In a few short minutes Buttin and I will be off to Chicago with Liz & Jonathan and I can't wait!

This morning was extremely hectic, and as such - I was unable to write my usually morning post.

Today, I received my first fan (I use this word loosely) complaint:

Dear Running With Lumpy,

Where are you? Did you get kidnapped while running ? Did you go into a cookie dough coma? Did you join the hobos?

Nope, you're right there - in the office next to mine. I can see you, but for some reason you have yet to post anything today. What could you possibly be doing that is anymore important than writing something for my reading enjoyment? Don't you know that I barely read and your blog is one of the only things that keeps me in practice?

I expect this situation to be corrected immediately or I will be forced to make poop cookies and poop flowers upon your return on Monday.

Kindest regards,
Barbie

Since this is my first complaint, I felt the need to address it immediately.

Dearest Barbie (who is no doubt currently reading TMZ or taking Facebook quizes in Running With Lumpy's absence),

I do apologize for the delay in posting, but as you no doubt observed - this morning was rather hectic. There will probably be no post tomorrow, but I promise to make up for it with double posts on Sunday and Monday. Please do not make poop cookies or poop flowers.

Since you had so many questions for me - I thought it only fair that I got to ask you some questions.

1. Don't you think that I should get the pearl you found in the Catfish Parlour fried oyster? I did buy lunch and the pearl is also my birthstone.
   
2. Have you stopped smoking yet?
   
3. If you get tired of your new hermit crab pets - can we eat them?
4. Do you think it was responsible of you to watch as I ate my own weight in fried shrimp? I think you really should have intervened when you saw me go back for a seventh helping - it's kind of your fault that I feel ill. Kind of the same thing as a bartender who keeps giving a drunk person drinks - doncha think?
   
5. Are you ill from all the envelope licking?
6. How many songs have you sung since I've left?
7. Don't eat my cookie dough (I know that's not a questions . . . maybe - how angry do you think I'll be if you eat my cookie dough?)
8. What have you done with the yellow wedgie shorts from yesterday?
9. Can you please try to make everyone behave tomorrow?
10. Don't you have some work to do?
    

I hope these questions help you to occupy your time during the next day and a half.

Please remember that here at Running With Lumpy, we try to keep our loyal readers (all three of you) very happy.

Hugs and Kisses,
Running With Lumpy
Department of Stupid Complaints

This Morning I Scared The $%*@ Out Of Buttin

We're going to Chicago this weekend with our dear friends Liz & Jonathan. I'm really looking forward to the Cubs game, Beluga Whales, Pizza and celebrating Jonathan's birthday. I also can't wait to walk five steps without producing five gallons of sweat. The temperature range in Chicago right now is 60 - 85 as opposed to the 80 - 105 it is here in Texas. It sounds delightful!

I'm actually hoping to get a run in while in Chicago, but I don't think I'll be able to do my typical long run that I usually do on Saturdays. For this reason, I decided to do my long run today - a little over 12 miles on a VERY hilly road.

This is our usual Wednesday morning schedule:

	Me	Buttin
Wake Up	5:00	6:00
Work Out	5:30 - 7:30	6:30 - 8:00
Shower & Get Ready	7:30 - 8:00	8:00 - 8:30
At Work	8:15	8:45

I haven't been feeling so great this week - so when I woke up this morning with a headache, I wasn't honestly expecting to be able to run 12 miles.

I like to do this thing when I run called "exploring". If you read yesterday's post - you know that exploring hasn't always been my best idea, but when running I typically stay on a road. Well today I went exploring on this very hilly road - Spicewood Springs - I didn't really get lost, but it did take quite a while because the road was VERY narrow (and I had to move over for cars, Buttin doesn't want to hear that part) and very hilly. I had to put the brakes on for some very steep downhills and of course going uphill, I moved very slowly - and sometimes even walked.

Well, I thought I would get home around 8:00 (the same time as Buttin), but I didn't get home until 8:40. When I walked through the door, Buttin walked out of the office looking white as a sheet (a clean one - not one that Cartman has peed on). Apparently, he had been trying to hack into my Garmin account to see if he could locate my whereabouts (fyi - my Garmin doesn't do that). I do not think I have ever seen him this upset (at least not about anything concerning me). I think he was about 5 minutes away from calling hospitals and I'm not exaggerating.

Look, I watch Law & Order - I know all the things that can happen in the dark over the course of three hours. Even though most of the time on L&O the jogger isn't the dead body, they find the dead body. In retrospect I probably should have told Buttin that there was a chance I would be doing a long run this morning. I'm in a somewhat delicate condition and I know that he worries about me all the more because of it.

I am now going to print out all the maps of the route that I frequently run (and try not to go exploring), so that if Buttin needs to drive around and find me - he'll have an idea about where I am.

The run itself - was really good. I could have gone longer (but certainly, that would have been a mistake). I think there may have been less humidity because I didn't sweat nearly as much as usual and even thought I was on a very hill road. I enjoyed the run because it was new to me and I was very interested in all the new sites. I even saw horses!

So, in summary - I scared the &*^@ out of Buttin this morning and saw horses, but I promise to never do it again (the scaring Buttin part that is).

Happy Birthday Molly!

Today is Molly's birthday - she is nine years old. She is a horrible running partner, a professional couch potato and she's got the sad, pathetic drooling down to a science. To me, she still has her puppy brown eyes and the most beautiful smile. It saddens me that she's getting older (she's a larger dog - 122 lbs.), but I know that she's had a good life & my life has been made all the more perfect as her owner.

I thought I'd share one story about Molly from when she was only five months old.

In December of 2000 - I was living in Ithaca, New York. (Molly is actually Canadian.)

December 13th, 2000 was a beautiful, chilly Wednesday and there was a shallow layer of snow on the ground. I had finished work early and my boyfriend (at the time - Brian) and I decided to go hiking with Molly. (I know - it's shocking, she used to be active. Now "active" qualifies as walking from the couch to the food bowl).

We found some very secluded trails about 30 miles away from our house, so we packed up Molly and headed for the hills. The trail was extremely slippery. The temperature kept going above and below zero - melting and re-freezing the ice and snow. We had walked about 1.5 miles on the trail when we noticed a 300 ft. hill. I'm not much of a mountaineer, but Brian wanted to climb it. Originally, I stayed behind while Molly and Brian started up the hill.

The hill had many trees, stumps and leaves and after seeing Molly going up the hill - I immediately wanted to join (kids, this is the point of the story where I tell you to NEVER go off trail and do something stupid like I'm about to do). I am also somewhat competitive and didn't want to feel outdone by a boy (again, stupid decision).

Molly, Brian and I made it to the top of the hill without incident - mostly by crawling on our hands and knees grabbing for the nearest tree branch. Once I reached the top of the hill, I was very warm. I was wearing about three layers, so decided to take off one of my shirts and wrap it around my waist.

When it was time to head down (this is something I learned, but apparently most outdoorsy types know that it's much more difficult to come down a hill/mountain than go up it - same principle as infants and staircases), I steadied myself on what I thought was a sturdy tree branch. Well, it wasn't very sturdy. The branch gave way and I went tumbling - head over feet - hitting rocks, trees and stumps for about 100 feet. When I finally came to a stop ,(with 200 feet left to fall) it was the the shirt that I had removed while on the top of the hill that had caught on a tree stump and prevented me from continuing to fall.

I was injured, but I didn't know how badly. I could barely speak to let Brian know where I was located. Molly, with her low center of gravity found me within seconds. It took Brian more than 15 minutes (it was slippery and of course I had just fallen so he was being very careful).

The right side of my body was injured (I later found out I had some broken ribs, my right lung had been punctured, my liver was sliced and I had a compression fracture in my back) and Molly instantly laid down on the right side of my body. She was only about 50 lbs at the time, but her butt was near my waist and her head was resting on my upper chest. The comfort I felt with her right next to me was/is indescribable. I was scared, but in very little pain because of all the adrenaline going through my body.

Once Brian reached me, he took Molly and they went for help. (Unfortunately, this was before the days when everyone had a cell phone.) It took about 45 minutes for them to get back to me. All of my rescuers were extremely cautious trying to get the 200 feet up to me without injuring themselves; however, Molly came right back up to me and resumed her position on the right side of my body. She did allow the firemen to work around her, but she would not go back down the hill where Brian was calling her. She stayed right with me.

The entire time the poor firemen carried me on a stretcher the slippery 1.5 miles on the trail, Molly was right under me - she would occasionally let out a little whimper or howl. No number of strong armed men could have made me feel as comfortable as knowing Molly was right there with me.

I hope as a dog mommy - I've provided her all the comfort and love she could ever desire. I've spent most of my adult life with Molly (since age 22) and I couldn't imagine so many of my life's events without her sweet face greeting me every morning and night.

In honor of her birthday, I've written her this little poem:

Happy Birthday to the one I love, like no other;
It is an honor to be your puppy mother.

I could not have asked for a better dog;
even if you're grumpy and often a couch hog.

Enjoy your birthday Mo-bear and I hope there are lots more to come!
When we get home I'll take you for a little run.

Or maybe we'll both just lay on the couch and eat,
then we'll watch tv while we fall asleep.

Happy Birthday Molly!

Love,
Your Mom

I'm A Political Activist

Well, not really.

Although on Saturday, I did sign a petition to stop dolphin slaughter.

After all that political activism, I thought about the other things that I feel so strongly about that I would want to promote and maybe even start a petition for.

There are so many causes:

• Mandatory nap time (unless I don't like you).
• Cookie dough stations next to all the waters stations at races.
• All mean people must get licked by Cartman.
• No texting while driving.
• Law & Order should be on all the time.
• 3 lb cinnamon rolls should count as health food.

I could go on.

I don't think it was an accident that when I went into our office yesterday, I noticed the Austin Chronicle opened to an article about "things that we miss" and then the idea hit me like a ton of cookie dough! BRING MAGIC MIDDLES BACK!

These used to be my favorite cookie/food/prize. In fact, when I was young, and I would set a new swimming record or win a race, I would ask for one of two things - Magic Middles or KFC. Since KFC is still around - Magic Middles became my default cause.

There are a few members of my family who work for Pepperidge Farm. While I do enjoy the variety of cookies and snacks that they provide - the Milano is nothing like the Magic Middle. I have never been able to duplicate the cookie with that yummy shortbread and always gooey chocolaty middle. (It is a little scary how the chocolate stays so gooey in the Magic Middle, but I'm guessing it's kind of like peanut butter or Nuetella - and both of those things are good for you - so I won't worry.)

Go here and to sign my Magic Middles Petition

Marathon Training - Weekly Update: Slow & Slower

This Week: 8/3 - 8/8

Total Miles Completed: 30.42

Average Pace : Very slow (around 12:40 min/mile)

It's strange to think that in one race I will have (hopefully) completed about 4 miles less than what it took me all week to do.

During my long run this week (a little over 12 miles) - I ate some peanut M&Ms without any stomach issues. I still think that I need to eat more during my run, but I made up for when I got home with pasta, bagels and biscuits with Nuetella (I only put Nuetella on the biscuits, not on the pasta).

I also learned a valuable clothing lesson during my long run - MUST NOT WEAR SHORTS DURING LONG RUNS, ONLY SKIRTS. I got a strange running rash in between my butt cheeks - didn't notice it until I got in the shower and my buns started buring. Not pleasant, but it's good that I learn these lessons now and not on November 15th.

The Cove

Ok. I did what I said I wasn't going to do. I saw The Cove.

I don't think giving this documentary a cookie review would really do it justice. I can only say that this movie is extremely thrilling, informative and heart-wrenching. I admit - I'm easily manipulated by movies and this film is nothing if not manipulative, but the evidence is undeniable.

If you're anti-dolphin slaughter (but don't wish to actually see it on film) - you can go to this website, sign a letter to get the word out about what is going on in Japan.

Thirty Second Movie Review - A Perfect Getaway

A Perfect Getaway

Entertaining thriller, but nothing ground-breaking. I'm really sick of previews that claim "a mind-blowing twist" - this so called twist is pretty easy to see coming, but happily - it's still fun to watch it all unfold.

The Soundtrack Of Your Life

Earlier this week we went to the Willie Nelson, John Mellencamp & Bob Dylan concert at the Dell Diamond.

While at the show, I realized that I really should listen to more music. I think all the pod casts and talk radio I listen to only ads to my stress. This morning, I ran a fast 4 miles (by fast I mean that I can run one mile a little faster than in takes one batch of cookies to bake) and listened to music instead of the usual talk radio pod casts. I forget how fun music can be while running. My current favorite running song is Help I'm Alive - Metric. I call it the zombie hammer song.

I'm not very musical inclined and not really drawn to music - I much prefer TV, books or cookie dough, but there have been many times while listening to a song, that it feels as though the song becomes part of the soundtrack to the movie of my life (cheesy, I know).

When it comes to music, Buttin is the expert. He can listen to a song and think of a perfect place for the song in a movie scene he's creating in his mind. He even once (and he'll hate that I'm mentioning this) said that this new song he heard would be perfect for So You Think You Can Dance - isn't he cute? Music is not only the soundtrack to his life - it's often the exposition, theme, action and denouement (I love that word).

I really enjoy taking road trips with Buttin. We just put the ipod on random and he's got a story for pretty much every song, especially the older ones.

This brings me back to the concert a couple of nights ago.

If I could pick only one musician to tell the story of Buttin's life - it would be John Mellencamp. (As a side note, I still think he needs a middle name - I miss Cougar.) During the concert, Mellencamp started to play Small Town. I started tearing up just a little thinking about Buttin and his friends and family and their small town. I turned around and Buttin had a couple little tears in his eyes too.

I don't know if I could pick one musician to tell the story of my life. My story would most likely be told by a cartoon or the back of a cookie dough wrapper.

Sometimes Dreams Really Do Come True

So the other day, my mother sent me this cute little forward (usually, I don't pay attention to forwards unless they're from foreign prince who wants to send me their money) about this teacher and her first grade class providing the second part of well-known proverbs.

Some of my favorites include (if you can't figure it out, the red words are the ones provided by the first graders):

Strike while the bug is close.
Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded.
A bird in the hand is going to poop on you.

I shared these gems with the office and Barbie decided to take them home to get her seven year old daughter, Cayman, to do the same thing.

Cayman had a lot of good ones, but this one is my favorite:

Happy is the bride who works at Carpet Warehouse.

I ask - have truer words ever been spoken? I think not.

If you pray and wish really hard (and you eat all your vegetables) you too could get to work in an office that has:

• Cockroaches bigger than a forklift;
  
• Ceiling tiles that only fall on you twice a day;
• Strange pink asbestos looking stuff surrounding you;
• Sporadic electricity;
• A semi-working toilet;
• Dust about 2 inches thick (ahem. . Patty);
• Various friendly and non-friendly vermin;
• A roof that may fall down at any moment (it keeps things exciting);
• Co-workers who sometimes wear deodorant;
• A fridge that produces large puddles, so that if you put food on the bottom shelf, it gets soggy;
• Water that you should not drink (for fear of something much worse that Montezuma's revenge); and
• Some of the most fun, lovable, misfits EVER.
  

Sometimes fairy tales and wishes and dreams really do come true. Cayman is so right - all you could ever dream of as a bride is to work at Carpet Warehouse.

Thirty Second Book Review - The Sign

The Sign - Raymond Khoury

Mildly thrilling novel (I listened to it during many runs), but extremely heavy-handed. I even agree with many of the issues (global warming) addressed in the book - but this was even too over the top for me. There are literally chapters where characters just discuss their motivation for every action - boring, not thrilling.

Who Me? Pack Rat? No . . .

Today - my Don't Sweat The Small Stuff Calendar says . . .

Resist the urge to save everything, and create space in your closets by letting go your excess belongings.

Ok, so I save a lot of stuff, and by stuff - I mean crap that no one would ever pay money for in a garage sale. If it was just a matter of excess clothes, I wouldn't classify this as a problem.

Buttin laughs because in my closets, I actually have boxes of boxes as well as boxes of bags. I keep all the cute little handled bags that I get with my Banana Republic (Macy's, etc.) purchases - but I never really do anything with them. Maybe I should donate all my boxes and bags to our resident hobos - I bet bags and boxes (with some tissue paper stuff in them) is more comfortable than cement.

The Twins (Kings) Of Carpet Warehouse

I haven't written a story in a couple of weeks, so here is a new (semi-fictitious) story about Tubby-Tub & Buttin - The Twins (Kings) of Carpet Warehouse.

A long time ago (a little longer time ago for Tubby-Tub, because he's old) Tubby-Tub and Buttin were little boys. They grew up at least 16 (but maybe more like 1600) miles apart, and never knew they had a twin. (Dun, dun, dun . . .)

As a brief explanation, Tubby-Tub & Buttin aren't twins in the scientific or genetic sense of the word, but as children - they longed for someone (anyone) to dress just like them. As an example, when Tubby-Tub was a small boy, growing up behind the 7/11 in a small Ohio town, he and his best friend, Green Looking Hard Thing - Greenie for short (a turtle), would play dress-up. Since his best friend was a turtle - there were limited options, but Tubby-Tub found cute little masks to wear and sticks to carry. Here is an artist's rendering of Tubby-Tubby and Greenie:

Little did Tubby-Tub know, that in the small town of Memphis, Texas - his twin, Buttin, was also longing for a companion who would dress just like him. Buttin's bestfriend in Memphis was a sheet cake. Buttin couldn't so much dress up like cake (although from time to time he was known to put shaving cream on his body and flowers in his hair), so he just ate cake. Here is Buttin about ready to get close to his bestfriend at the time - Cake With Flowers (seriously, he loved cakes with flowers).

As Tubby-Tub and Buttin both grew up (not knowing their twin even existed) spending countless years desiring a dress mate. They drowned their sorrows with one empty relationship after another. Tubby-Tub became slower and slower - exactly like Greenie. (It is even rumored that Greenie was the one who started calling Tubby-Tub, "Grandma", because he moved so slowly). Buttin went the opposite direction with his friend, Cake With Flowers, and started to avoid not only cake, but all things sweet.

One day, while at a confernce for men who want to dress alike and who also love flooring (Men Who Want To Dress Alike and Also Like Flooring of America), Buttin and Tubby-Tub met. They instantly bonded over all things clothing and flooring related.

They had finally found their twin. Soon they decided to start working together at Carpet Warehouse. Carpet Warehouse is a magical place (full of misfits and non-flushing toilets) where everyday they explore their love flooring, while also dressing alike.

THE END.