Buttin - A Story In Pictures

The Story of Buttin (my husband) in Pictures

A long (long, long, long) time ago, Buttin was born in the small town of Memphis, Texas. There are about 43 residents of Memphis, combined they have 124 teeth (I kid, I kid).

As a small boy, Buttin would spend hours and hours dreaming of how one day he would grow up and be a sailor.His dear mother (not wanting him to be sent off to an unjustified war) discouraged her young son's sailor dreams by telling him that real sailors cannot wear knee-high socks with girl shoes, so Buttin soon gave up his dream of becoming a world famous seamen (like Popeye).

Buttin, being the positive little kid that he was, soon found another calling. He was going to become a veterinarian/farmer. He enjoyed his daily visit at Da's (grandfather) farm and loved all the animals, especially the cows. He was amazed at how many teeth they had.

Again, Buttin's dear mother (not wanting him to get bit by wild animals or hurt on the farm) tried to discourage his choice. She told him that being a vet didn't mean you could hold animals upside and poke them in the teeth. For Buttin, this was a deal breaker (especially the teeth poking part).

Within no time, Buttin had discovered a new career path - professional athlete. He tried all sports and since there were only like five other kids in school, he was one of the best (even in cheer leading).

Buttin couldn't think of any reason why his mother wouldn't want him to be a professional athlete, but she (not wanting her son to have to cut his basketball mullet) came up with a couple good ones. She told him that professional athletes don't make any money and they never get the girl, so being the ladies man that he was; he decided against the professional athlete route.

During the next couple of years, Buttin fell in love with hair metal. He was hot for Tawny Kitaen, so he decided he was going to be a rock star.

While his dear mother liked the idea of having Tawny Kitaen for a daughter in law, she didn't want her son to get sucked in to the hard partying lifestyle of a rock star. Memphis was the home town of the regionally famous band, Cow Tipping Teeth Having, and their lead singer was always getting arrested for drinking in a dry county. She told her beloved son that if he became a rock star, he might have to drop out of school, and Buttin loved academics.

As Buttin aged (really, aged), he started to attract the attention of the opposite sex, and some of these girls even showered on weekly basis. He thought he could use his raw, yet powerful magnetism in his new career goal, male escort.

(Nice mullet, no?) After he proclaimed to his dear mother that he wanted nothing in the world more than to be an escort, she started to laugh. She knew that her son was attractive, but told him that if he became an escort he'd have to spend a lot of time with girls. Seeing as most of the girls he knew had two teeth and used dirt for soap, he didn't think it was such a good idea anymore.

Buttin gave up on the male escort goal, and decided to instead, go to college. While at Texas Tech (which is like a college, but with fewer requirements), Buttin majored in advertising. He then turned his advertising training into selling everything (not himself) from computer training to bank data. One day, while working at a not so great sales job, Buttin met an enchanting genie.

This particular genie was a career genie. Butitn told the genie about all of his career aspirations, starting with sailor and ending with male escort. The genie granted Buttin one career wish and asked him about his dream career.

Buttin told the genie that he wanted three things from his new career:

1. To work with a bunch of lovable misfits;
2. To find hobos on a daily basis; and
   
3. To work with the woman he loved.

With that, the genie married Buttin and they became the small business owners of Carpet Warehouse. As a bonus, she also taught him a thing or two about taking naps.

When Buttin told his dear mother all about Carpet Warehouse, she was delighted. She told him that she had always dreamed of him finding a sweet genie and a career that made him happy. She couldn't believe that he had made it from a small town (without a dentist) all the way to a business owner who shares his office with raccoons, birds, misfits and the woman he loves.