The First Annual Misfit Awards

The other day, Patty (who is our accounting misfit) got the Touchdown Duck for downloading a virus on her computer while trying to google "Bachelorette Spoilers" (obviously, very important to accounting). She told Barbie and I that at her previous job she was "Employee of the Month" - twice. Barbie and I assumed that she must have been on vacation those two months because there's no other way that Patty could have been a model employee.

Well, we could never have "Employee of the Month"at Carpet Warehouse, but I would like to start giving out the "Misfit Awards" or Missies (for short).

Here they are:

Grandma Award: Todd (or Tubby-Tub as I call him)
Tubby-Tub takes forever to do anything. It's really because he's so busy, but you could tell him there was a million dollars waiting for him in South Austin and it would take him 5 hours to get there.

Aww Shucks/Doh Award: James
James does this at least once a day.
Hutto Award: Tim R.
Tim likes to leave everyday between 11AM - 1PM claiming he has a measurement in Hutto. By "measurement", he means go home and take a nap.

Email Award: Sean
Sean gets this award because he is the only misfits who knows how to use a computer for anything besides playing poker or googling reality TV shows (ahem . . .Barbie & Patty). I think he can send an email and doodle in MS Paint, but that's where his expertise ends.

AMEX Award: Tim B.
Tim takes my AMEX almost every morning. He's supposed to be fixing up one of our cleaning vans, but I really think he's building a spaceship - one Home Depot purchase at a time.

Diabetic Sugar Addict: Tim A.
We have a few diabetics in our office, so this award was more difficult to win than you might think. Tim loves sugar so much he even ate granola bars with worms.

Cubby Hole Award: Patty
Patty's office can best be described as a cubby hole (and that's being generous). Half the time, people don't even know if she's here or not. However, if the conversation turns to lunch plans or the latest gossip in reality TV - she quickly pokes her head out of her hole.

Roach Soup Award: Rhonda (I call her Barbie)
Barbie is very good about bringing her lunch from home; however, she sometimes likes to bring the most disgusting concoctions ever created. The worst one to date, has been a can of icky bean soup, which I re-named roach soup.

Bad Luck Award: Jesus
Jesus does quite a few misfitty things on his own (like backing a van into a dumpster at about 30 mph); however, he does happen to have some of the worst luck imaginable. One day, he kicked a random rock in our parking lot and it hit our glass door, shattering it.

Have Bobbs? Will Discount Award: Richard
Richard is notorious for giving big discounts to our well-endowed female customers. He was once asked why there was so little profit in a particular sale, to which he responded - "Did you see her boobs?".

Disappearing/Reappearing Award: Bobby
Bobby is a new misfit and in his short time here really hasn't done that many misfit-like things. He does manage to come and go without me noticing, which leads me to the very obvious conclusion that he must be magic.