Dr. Stephanie Cures Your Ails

***Disclaimer - I'm not really a doctor, but I am a renowned expert in the field of sleeping and cookie dough eating.***

I tend to type/talk/write faster than my mind can think. I'm either really fast at those other things or really, really brain slow.

The other day, my aunt wrote all of the ladies here at work telling us about the cramps she had in her calf muscle. She asked me specifically if I knew of any remedies. I wrote back (replying to everyone - which is only 3 people) saying that I hated calf craps, but that if she flexed her ankle it might help. Everyone in the office laughed at me. Obviously, I meant to say calf cramps - because everyone knows that the cure for calf craps is cookie dough.

I thought I would share my other cures for these common ailments:

• Disorder: Pica - compulsion to eat things like dirt, glue and hair
• Cure: Eat cookie dough and you'll forget about wanting to eat crap.
  

• Disorder: Capgrass Syndrome - delusion that a loved one is being impersonated by an impostor
• Cure: Take nap and you'll forget about aliens taking over your husband's body.

• Disorder: Koro - delusion that the genitals are disappearing into the body
• Cure: Watch TV and you'll forget about your disappearing genitals.

• Disorder: Stendhal Syndrome - dizziness, confusion and rapid heartbeat brought on by seeing too much beauty.
• Cure: View the picture of me running on this post.

• Disorder: Cotard - belief that you are dead, non-existent and your insides are putrefying.
• Cure: Take one sniff of my dog Cartman (i.e. pee bubble dragon) and then you'll really wish you were non-existent.

• Disorder: Bigorexia - belief that you are not muscular enough.
• Cure: Take a nap, then you won't care how muscular you are.
  

• Disorder: Celebriphilia - strong desire to have a sexual relationship with a celebrity.
• Cure: Just listen to Matthew McConaughey give an interview and you'll realize most celebrities are just better to look at.
  

Ok - there you have it, some of my cures for your most common problems. Just remember, most anything can be cured by one of two things - eating cookie dough or taking a nap.